Parvenu (n): A person who’s clawed their way up from humble beginnings to wealth or status, often with all the subtlety of a bullhorn in a library. Think nouveau riche with a side of try-hard—someone who’s got the cash but not the class, and everyone fucking knows it.
Straight from the French, parvenu comes from the verb parvenir, meaning “to arrive” or “to succeed,” rooted in Latin pervenire (“to come through”). It’s been strutting around English since the early 19th century, sneering at old money while flashing its gaudy new watch. The vibe? Freshly minted swagger with a whiff of desperation.
So, picture this: Jimmy “Two-Toes” Malone—yeah, he lost the other eight in a lawnmower incident he doesn’t talk about—hits the Powerball for $87 million and goes full parvenu overnight. We’re talking a guy who used to shotgun Busch Light in a trailer park, now strutting into a Michelin-starred joint in a leopard-print tuxedo, reeking of Axe body spray and entitlement. He’s got a date—some chick named Tiffani with an “i” who’s already mentally spending his winnings on a yacht called Titz McGee—and he’s barking at the waiter, “Bring me the fuckin’ caviar, none of that cheap shit!” The waiter, a wiry dude named Claude who’s seen it all, just smirks and drops a $400 spoonful of fish eggs in front of him. Jimmy shovels it in, gags like he’s choking on a golf ball, and yells, “Tastes like salty asshole!”—loud enough the whole place goes silent. Tiffani’s mortified, Claude’s plotting revenge, and Jimmy, oblivious, slaps a wad of hundreds on the table, hollering, “Keep the change, peasant!” as he stumbles out, leaving a trail of spilled champagne and shattered dignity. Moral? Money buys a lot, but it don’t buy you a goddamn clue.
N.P.: “Helter P.T.2 – Apoptygma Berzerk Remix” – kinGeorg
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