Category Archives: Lucubrations

Too tired and preoccupied to do any serious literary hell-raising this evening.  Don’t get me wrong, dear reader…I have things to say.  I’m just too tired to get myself worked up into the fit that these topics require.  So I’m gonna call it a night.

N.P.: “Jesus Built My Hotrod” – Burn The Priest

Not a bad day at all today.  It was kind of cool.  Did some reordering of the book…just kind of experimenting.

N.P.: “Schwarze Witwe – TLP Remix” – Eisbrecher

Big bummer about Ric Ocasek.  I made that dude laugh once.  It was in a video game store in Manhattan.  I was talking to the owner, and I described the Silent Hill series as “an Asian chick running endlessly and stupidly through the fog.”  The guy that had come in after me looking for a Nintendo Cube chortled at my description.  I turned and smiled, and it was Ric Ocasek.  He was as cool as you hope Ric Ocasek could be.  Before we could have a meaningful talk, a couple of locals had spotted him coming in and brought their kids in to meet the legend and get a picture.  Anyway, I was sorry to hear of his passing.  The Cars were one of the most underrated/underappreciated bands of the 80s.  I liked the Irish stuff he did with Black 47 as well.  He will be missed.

Not a whole helluva lot else going on today, dear reader.  Too much business, not enough writing.  I did get rained upon, however, which was a fairly joyful experience.  But once the rain stopped, things just got muggy as hell.  It felt like Thailand for a while.  Things are better now.  Going to try to catch up on the writing.

N.P.: “New Girl Now” – Honeymoon Suite

Watch Summary
Saturday, September 14, 2019


Time:  0126 hours
Report #: 19-260842
Charges: HS 11377 (A), 11364, PC 1203.2 (A)
Location: 6900 block of Bedlam Rd.

S-1 (Anhedonia resident) was the driver of a motor vehicle stopped for a vehicle code violation. A record check revealed S-1 was on probation. A probation search of S-1’s vehicle led to the discovery of methamphetamine, crack cocaine, LSD, ecstasy, a couple pounds of Mexican ditch weed, and narcotic paraphernalia. S-1 was arrested, slapped, and then transported to the main jail (which is, of course, the only jail, Fecal Creek not being all that big of a suburb).

Time:  0217 hours
Report #: 19-002603
Charges: PC 647 (F)
Location: 9500 block of Fecal Creek Rd.

S-1 (Fecal Creek resident) was arrested for public intoxication and then transported to the main jail, where he projectile vomited a truly extraordinary  amount of what the booking sergeant believed to be chicken tikka masala.

No major incidents or arrests logged.

Time:  1613 hours
Report #: 19-262469
Charges: HS 11350 (A)
Location: Fecal Creek Blvd. / Mayhem Way

S-1 (Anhedonia resident) was the driver of a motor vehicle stopped for a vehicle code violation. An inventory search of S-1’s vehicle led to the discovery of heroin, mescaline, peyote, several guns, a grenade launcher, handcuffs, and roughly $2 million in cash, about $400 of which Miss Zeekrit forced on the arresting officer in the form of a rather egregious but successful bribe. S-1 was arrested, issued a citation, and released.

Time:  1836 hours
Report #: 19-262944
Charges: PC 647 (F), WARRANT
Location: 8600 block of Fecal Creek Blvd.

S-1 (Anhedonia resident) was arrested for public intoxication (bath salts), face eating, piracy, the importation of dangerous animals, and an active warrant. S-1 was transported to the main jail, photographed naked, and taunted viciously.

Time:  1931 hours
Report #: 19-263161
Charges: PC 647 (F), PC 1203.2 (A)
Location: 8400 block of Fecal Creek Rd.

S-1 (Anhedonia resident) was arrested for public intoxication, public urination, lewd and lascivious behavior, pretending to have narcolepsy and violating her probation. S-1 was transported to the main jail.

Time:  1935 hours
Report #: 19-263274
Charges: PC 647 (F)
Location: 2600 block of W. Kontemtov Ct.

S-1 (Fecal Creek resident) was arrested for public intoxication, public jackassery, and having a ludicrously long neck, and transported to the main jail.  He sang Rush’s YYZ during the entire course of his arrest.

Crime Tips Via Text Messaging through “CrimeTip”

Members of the community having information regarding criminal activity can send tips via SMS text message by entering CRIMES (274637) on their cell phones, followed by Tip6666 (agency identification number) and the message. Once users type in their message and press send, they will receive a confirmation text indicating that the message was received.
You can help Fecal Creek Detectives solve a crime by providing information. You may remain anonymous, but please, let us know what you know.

* All information is obtained from the Fecal Creek Police Department Daily Watch Summary. Booking photos are provided by the Fecal Creek Police Department if the suspects are still in custody.  All information is a matter of public record, and the media has a right to publish the information. Fecal Creek News may remove booking photos if requested.

N.P.: “Praise Abort” – Lindemann

A very strange night.  Though these days (or nights), they all seem to be somewhat strange.  Lots of existential dread, loneliness, and confusion.  That’s always there too, but it seems more pronounced, acute lately.  The only thing that seems to help any of this is putting words on pages.  So I’m going to do a bit more of that.

N.P.: “Du riechst so gut” – Rammstein

How long, dear reader…how long?  How many more of this 18- to 20-hour days can the human body take?  What about the mind?  That’s the real question.  Physically, I’m tip-top.  But mentally…well, I’ve been running on reserves for some time now.

The good news is there are only about 8 more days until this rotten summer is officially over.  The best thing about it will be seeing it in the rear-view mirror.

I was sorry to hear about the death of Eddie Money today.  He seemed like a good guy, and had an interesting career.

I’m going to try to get another page or so down before I collapse.  I hope you’re doing well.

N.P.: “Peter Gunn (feat. Duane Eddy) – Art of Noise

Kinda hatin’ everybody today.  Various reasons…all of which are, of course, dear reader, very valid.

The fucking air conditioning is broken, again, at Hotel California.  If things don’t improve soon, I shall have to seek more suitable accommodations elsewhere.

Which I might have to do regardless.  California has sucked for a while, now, and it’s only getting worse.  Between the chronically homeless and rampant idiocy, it’s become a miasmic shithole that needs to be purged.  Ablated.  Expunged.

Time to hit the whiskey and make some chicken.

N.P.: “Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun” – Beastie Boys

Happy birthday to Mary, who would have been 51 today.

Today was interesting in that it was the first day in a while that I got multiple bits of news that wasn’t bad.  Added bonus, got to watch a forensic psychologist to the Toe of Satan challenge.  He did it, but there was so much drool and snot.  I have photographic evidence for professional extortion purposes down the road.  Heh.

Got a few pages on the book down.  And few pages on the other book.  Just one page on the screenplay.  Not bad, all things considered.  Now for what I believe is a well deserved slug of night whiskey and a collapse into the arms of Hypnos.

N.P.: “Whole Lotta Love” – Hollywood Vampires