Category Archives: Lexicology

Today was utterly fucking exhausting.  It’s the special kind of exhaustion that comes from planning for a year or so to do something, then suddenly finding out it isn’t possible, then 20 minutes later finding out it is, then 20 minutes later finding out it isn’t possible for a different reason, and then 20 minutes after that finding out that there is an entirely different option that you were previously unaware of that makes the thing you’d been planning to do for a year rather pointless.  I think at the end of it all, my situation had actually improved, but what a roller coaster ride getting there.

Gonna go collapse.

N.P.: “Ship on Fire” – Zeal & Ardor

Jayson Gallaway

April 15, 2019

petrichor – noun – a pleasant smell that frequently accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather.

There were two raccoons fucking next to the recycling bin when I took out the trash. But they weren’t fucking each other: they appeared to be tag-teaming a dead possum.  Or at least the possum appeared to be dead. He could have been acting. Playing possum is an especially appropriate behavior if one is a possum and one is being violated by multiple members of an entirely different species.
I wasn’t expecting them when I came around the corner, and they clearly weren’t expecting me.  But what I was expecting even less was their reaction to my sudden presence.  Rather than scamper away like a fuzzy little woodland creature should, these arrogant little bastards squared off, assume aggressive fight postures, and hissed contemptuously.
“You little fucker.” I actually spoke out loud, which, though totally natural and spontaneous when I did it, seemed like a strange thing to be doing, talking to a raccoon.  The larger one hissed again and took two quick steps toward me.  “How dare you!  I’m not gonna take any shit off of some goddamn raccoon in my own goddamn alley,” and I reflexively kicked the shit out of him.  The kick launched him solidly into the liquor store’s big blue dumpster.  He sat there, sort of stunned, and his little friend suddenly understood the gravity of the situation.  He knew better than to try to fight, but didn’t want to run away and abandon his postmortem-possum-poking partner, so he froze.
“My God.  How did it come to this, Mr. Raccoon?” Since I’d already spoken to him, I figured  what the hell, we might as well have a conversation. “How is it that you, a nocturnal garbage eater, possess the unmitigated gall, testicular wherewithal, and general chutzpah to get sassy with and show teeth to an apex predator?   I have to blame my fellow humans for being soft and falling for the cute masked bandit act and letting you get away with this nonsense.  I guess most people just run away when you hiss at them…”
The raccoon got to his paws unsteadily, his companion ran to him.  They cautiously started backing out of the alley.  I contemplated capturing them, putting them in them in a cage with a sign that says, “We violate the dead,” and leaving them in front of the liquor store to be shamed by the good people of Fecal Creek and their fellow raccoons.  But once they were halfway down the alley, they turned and ran.  I decided to let them go.
The moral of this story is to avoid messing with apex predators who are several times your size and I.Q.  And also stay the hell out of my alley when I’m taking out the trash.  And also  don’t violate the dead, whatever species you may be.  It will always be unseemly across the entirely of the animal kingdom.
“Lightning Man” – Nitzer Ebb

Another overly peopley day.  Peoply?  People-ly?  Whatever.  There were too many fucking people.  I got through it fine.  Exhausting, though.  In lieu of wisdom, here is a word I’m rather fond of:

Your Word of the Day is pluviophile – noun – a lover of rain;someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days.

N.P.: “Majesty” – Ghost

nyctophilia.

“I’m a cold heartbreaker
Fit ta burn and I’ll rip your heart in two
And I’ll leave you lyin’ on the bed
(with your ass in the air!).”
~ W. Axl Rose

That has been going through my head since about 04:00.  No idea why.

Anyway, today is the winter solstice, which means tonight, this night right here, is the longest night of the year.  Being the unapologetic nyctophile that I am, it is thus my favorite night of the year.  It is the first day of winter.  There is even a Cold Moon and a simply bitchin’ meteor shower for us to howl at.  Which I’d better get started on: it is getting both late and cold.

Here’s your definition for nyctophilianoun –  An attraction to darkness or night; finding relaxation or comfort in the darkness.

N.P,: “The Order of Death” – Public Image Ltd.

sapiosexual.

rabbits

Word of the Day:

sapiosexual

adjective
adjective: sapiosexual; adjective: sapio-sexual
  1. 1.
    (of a person) finding intelligence sexually attractive or arousing.
noun
noun: sapiosexual; plural noun: sapiosexuals; noun: sapio-sexual; plural noun: sapio-sexuals
  1. 1.
    a person who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing.
The ad was pretty straightforward, as far as these things went: “Attractive and sapiosexual editorial assistant needed immediately.  Must enjoy late-night hot-tubbing, imbibing powerful toxins in the name of passionate experimentation, and last-minute deadlines.  Loose morals and knowledge of hardcore porn a plus.”  
Licking her grinning lips, she began typing a letter of extreme interest.  
N.P: “Evil Ways” –  Blues Saraceno

botryoidal.

Employee lives

Your Word of the Day is “botryoidal.”

adjective
  1. (chiefly of minerals) having a shape reminiscent of a cluster of grapes.
The urologist thought he’d seen it all until that fateful Thursday when he found himself unable to describe the shape of the set of odious and detestable testicles in his nitrile-gloved hands as botryoidal.  
“Never saw anything like this in med school,” muttered the doctor darkly to himself.
“You got all the way through med school without seeing a set of testicles?” said the patient, whose actual name the doctor knew, but who had become known in the doctor’s mind in the last 30 seconds as Grape Nuts.
“Shut up, Grape Nuts,” said the doctor, who, upon saying it, regretted having said it aloud, as that was not his intention.  
N.P.: “I’m Only Joking” – KONGOS

pestiferous.

Yeezy Ur

Word of the Day: pestiferous

adjective

literary
  1. harboring infection or disease.

  2. humorous – constituting a pest or nuisance; annoying.

The janitor had clearly grown tired of the conversation and had begun thinking more about his lunch than the outcome of this colloquy: “No…what you’re going to do is take your pestiferous ass back to that rotting hovel and leave us alone to make babies and drink deeply of the green chartreuse.”  It was, it occurred to him at that moment, one of the stranger Wednesdays he’d had in a while.

N.P.: “Dangerous (feat. Joywave)” – Big Data

paragon

noun
  1. a person or thing regarded as a perfect example of a particular quality.
    “It would have taken a paragon of douchebaggery to push the elderly nun down that back stairway, which is, unfortunately for Sister Antoinette, exactly what Father Sullivan was.”
  2. a person or thing viewed as a model of excellence.
    “‘Your cook is a paragon,’ said the cartel leader of his friend’s newest batch of meth.”
  3. a perfect diamond of 100 carats or more.                                           “‘You can like and want to put a ring on it all you want, but I ain’t saying yes unless I get a paragon, you rich mothafucka,’ the chanteuse was heard to whisper.”

gaucherie

noun
  1. awkward, embarrassing, or unsophisticated ways.

“He had hoped that she had long since gotten over various gaucheries such as smelling her Q-tips after cleaning her ears and picking at her toenails during therapy.  He was, once again, disappointed.”