Let me say up front that I have no problem with vegetarians. It’s not for me, of course, but I respect their rights and wishes, just as I hope they respect mine. But they don’t. Nor does society. As a carnivore, I continue to watch my rights and wishes shat upon routinely, whilst my vegetarian brethren seem to only become more precious and entitled about their own agendas.
On an almost daily basis now, some story shows up in my feed about some aggrieved vegetarian who has been apparently just destroyed because some restaurant put a pork chop on their plate or some such. These are never local news stories, but national, or, in today’s case, an international news story (with today’s aggrieved and permanently damaged vegan having been served something with butter on it in Jolly Auld England. Today, when there is officially a pandemic wreaking havoc throughout the world and several nations are evidently on the brink of economic if not societal collapse, I have to read about some fucking British hippy who got butter on her toast. To wit:
A British Airways passenger who requested a special vegan meal was served it with butter and cheese. Sophie Fingerbottom was traveling on British Airways flight BA288 from Phoenix, US, to London Heathrow. She tweeted a picture of her VGML meal, which had a “special meal” sticker on it, next to a butter sachet and cheddar cheese triangle. She captioned the image: “15 years ago I would have expected it, but you’re *still* serving cheese and butter with VGMLs at a time when veganism has never been so popular and well catered for elsewhere. What happened to quality control and crew awareness?” British Airways responded: ‘We’re sorry you were given dairy products with your vegan meal, Sophie. We’re grateful you made us aware of this.”
Which is a perfectly reasonable response.
That, somehow, in this world, is an actual international news story. What the fuck for? Who cares? So what? Holy shit…get over it. Why are vegetarians so precious about their vegetarianism? The non-vegan food in the above-mentioned stupidity was enclosed in individual packaging and not touching the vegan food. Are you seriously that fragile? Look…I’m a carnivore. There are myriad reasons for this, but the top two are these: 1) With all the fragile vegetarians running around eating roots and twigs and bullshit, becoming soft, losing not only their hunting instincts but gradually forgetting how to conjugate the verb “to hunt” all together since such violent words scare them, humans would quickly slip from the top of the food chain down to someplace dangerously and embarrassingly beneath cattle. And 2) I have heard the screams of the lettuce and the carrots as they are ripped from the ground, torn from the only home they’ve every known, only to be chopped up, cooked, and ruthlessly consumed by hippies who through some perverse mutation are completely deaf to the vegetables cries of anguish. As such, my entire life has been spent ordering plain hamburgers but being served hamburgers with what seems to be an entire salad bar, not in some enclosed package on the side, but right fucking there on the burger, under the bun, touching the meat. Literally my entire life. It happened twice last week. And do you know what I’ve been told? For literal decades? “Oh, get over it…just scrape it off.” Which, historically, is what I do. Because I don’t want to be a fragile little snowflake that’s gonna throw a bitch-fit and expect the world to turn according to my specifications every time I don’t get my way. And that’s with all manner of vegetables actually touching my meat. I get the impression the fit-throwing vegetarians in question here might starve to death if faced with such a cruel and brutal reality.
Of course, that’s not what happened. They didn’t just shrug it off. They didn’t just do a lot of cussing and call the airline abusive names. Noooooo. They called up their activist friends at The Vegan Society, who issued Very Strong Statements in the media and threatened to litigate viciously. “Veganism is not just a diet, but a deeply held ethical conviction that harming animals is wrong, so it can be really upsetting for a vegan to be given animal products when they have specifically ordered a vegan option,” whined Matt Turner, testicularly challenged spokeswuss for The Vegan Society. “Vegan meals often have to be ordered in advance and sometimes don’t make it on board the plane. We are campaigning to see a vegan option added to standard in-flight menus across the board so that everyone has the choice to order them. Vegan passengers should always be able to fly with ease and confidence that they will be catered for.”
It was at this point that, had I been in charge of the airline, I likely would have extended a polite invitation to not only Matt Turner but the entire Vegan Society to toss my salad. Which is probably, upon some reflection, part of the reason I am not in charge of the airline. But seriously, again, I face the opposite of this (vegetables served against my specific wishes with my meat) on an almost daily basis, and its not even a local interest story. Why is this shit in the international news? Of course the airline said what they had to say: “We take pride in delivering thousands of special meals daily to our customers across the globe to the highest of standards. We are extremely sorry that our customer has had a negative experience. The reported issues is being investigated with out catering partner and we will take action to ensure this does not occur in the future.”
Again, I have no issue with vegetarianism…I think everybody should eat whatever the hell they want. I just don’t understand why an errant wrapped pad of butter becomes a literal international incident with attorney’s and corporate spokespeople issuing carefully worded statements while I and other carnivores are forced to suffer in silence. #Can’tUnhearTheScreamsOfTheCarrots
N.P.: “Beautiful World” – DEVO