I’ve also been feeling rather vindicated lately, mostly about stuff that everybody’s bought into, stuff I’ve been saying is obviously wrong for decades.
If you grew up in the 70s like me, your formative years were likely spent being rhetorically bludgeoned about the absolute essential duty of all humans to recycle, and the most essential of that essential duty was to recycle plastics because holy shit are just the worst thing that could ever have happened to our planet…just look at these pictures of all the oceans of the world rapidly filling with plastic. Now look at these pictures of dead fish. That’s your fault if you failed to recycle one piece of plastic. You specifically were killing dolphins by the dozen, and you specifically were going to be responsible for the death of every human on earth due to global freezing if you failed to recycle all plastics. All of this I vociferously dismissed as idiocy when I was nine years old.
Well, well, well, well, well.
Last month, none other than Greenpeace finally admitted that plastic recycling doesn’t work in as much as it does exactly fuck all to help the planet. Plastic recycling doesn’t work, and, more importantly, it never has worked.
That rather stunning admission from the hippies at Greenpeace was cause enough for another Celtic Bacchanalian Goat Dance, but then the very next day, the vegetarian hippies (who showed up in the mid-70s, around the same time the planet hippies started making their annoying noise), were forced to admit that there ain’t a damn thing wrong with eating red meat, healthwise. You know, as I’ve been saying since I was eight. All previous misinformation was the result of healthy user bias, corrupt hippie scientists, and pathetically shoddy research. Despite all the useless “consensus” of the last few decades, there are “extremely weak links” between red meat consumption and cancer, heart disease, or diabetes. And exactly no evidence of association between red meat consumption and stroke.
Other obviousness to be revealed in another couple of decades: the laughable barbarity of orthodontia, and the stupid cruelty of Daylight Saving Time.
N.P.: “Misirlou (Metal Version)” – Leo
Cruel: Jussie Smollett Will Be Forced To Share A Jail Cell With His Attacker
CHICAGO, IL—People are protesting in the streets today after human rights groups revealed Jussie Smollett will be forced to share a jail cell with his racist attackers.
“This is an outrage!” said Reverend Jesse Jackson. “Not only was Mr. Smollett attacked by hateful racist bigots who want to tear our country apart, but now he has to share a jail cell with them? This is cruel and unusual punishment. This is the kind of thing that happens in our white supremacist country. Send me money!”
Criminal justice watchdogs also revealed that in addition to sharing a cell with his attackers, he will have to share his toothbrush, his bunk bed, and clothes. They expressed worry that this may lead to Jussie Smollet suffering further racist and homophobic attacks from other attackers named Jussie Smollett while in prison.
When asked for comment, Jussie Smollet angrily yelled “This is MAGA country!” before punching himself in the face.
Reader! How are things? All is well over here…busy as hell, though. Just wanted to say hey.
N.P.: “Did I Break The Law” – When Rivers Meet
My attorney informs me that any trips I make to Tijuana in the near future are going to have to be of the illegal – sorry – undocumented variety as our southern border remains closed to nonessential travel until at least August 21. This news darkened today’s mood rather precipitously. This is, as you can imagine, most cherished reader, devastating news when it comes to my August bullfighting/tequila-drinking plans. Well, shit.
N.P.: “I Got Stoned and I Missed It” – Shel Silverstein
Remembrances today…thinking of Mary.
It’s about time.