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From our friends at The Babylon Bee…

Cruel: Jussie Smollett Will Be Forced To Share A Jail Cell With His Attacker

CHICAGO, IL—People are protesting in the streets today after human rights groups revealed Jussie Smollett will be forced to share a jail cell with his racist attackers.

“This is an outrage!” said Reverend Jesse Jackson. “Not only was Mr. Smollett attacked by hateful racist bigots who want to tear our country apart, but now he has to share a jail cell with them? This is cruel and unusual punishment. This is the kind of thing that happens in our white supremacist country. Send me money!”

Criminal justice watchdogs also revealed that in addition to sharing a cell with his attackers, he will have to share his toothbrush, his bunk bed, and clothes. They expressed worry that this may lead to Jussie Smollet suffering further racist and homophobic attacks from other attackers named Jussie Smollett while in prison.

When asked for comment, Jussie Smollet angrily yelled “This is MAGA country!” before punching himself in the face.

August 1, 2021

My attorney informs me that any trips I make to Tijuana in the near future are going to have to be of the illegal – sorry – undocumented variety as our southern border remains closed to nonessential travel until at least August 21.  This news darkened today’s mood rather precipitously.  This is, as you can imagine, most cherished reader, devastating news when it comes to my August bullfighting/tequila-drinking plans.  Well, shit.

N.P.: “I Got Stoned and I Missed It” – Shel Silverstein