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These books are going to be fucking amazing. I mean, if I ever finish them, they’re going to be fucking amazing. They just needs to quit moving around and sit still long enough for me to write them.

Don’t worry, dearest reader…I can assure you, the wait will have been worth it.

N.P.: “Love Kills” – Joe Stummer

20-hour days = fussy Jayson. Yep, I’m fussy. I don’t even know what day it is anymore. Aw shit…is tomorrow Thanksgiving? Shit. How did that happen? Time is being a dick again. I spoke to The Rain about it last night, but he said nobody can do anything about Time. I hate it when Forces of Nature start acting all uppity and out of pocket. It can be quite difficult reining them in.
God, I’m fussy.

N.P.: “Turbo Lover” – Judas Priest

There’s a lyric in Lady Gaga’s ripoff song “Born This Way” that says, “Cuz God makes no mistakes.”  This was not the first time I’d heard this sentiment expressed, and not the first time I thought it was absolute Disneyesque hippy garbage.  To disabuse Miss Gaga of this ridiculous notion, I’d invite her to spend a little time looking at pictures and videos of the myriad babies born everyday whom are so horribly disfigured that their deformities condemn to die within days or weeks of being born, and those days or weeks will in many cases be spent in absolute and constant physical agony, after which death with be a relief.  I have adherents of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Islam explain their respective religions’ teachings on this issue, and am familiar with the various rationales used by the Holy Catholic and Apostolic and its various saints who wrote on the subject.  Saint Augustine (who was basically God’s attorney) tells us that “evil” is not something that God created because it is not actually a thing.  It is a privation.  That is, what we perceive as evil is simply an absence of Gods love and presence.  Which is a positively brilliant argument.  However, I reject it and all of the other justifications for painfully deformed newborns out of hand.  These babies are, as the song says, literally “born this way.”  They never even had a chance to do anything to deserve such a fate.  You can cite karma, past lives, the sins of the father, we mortals being unable to comprehend God’s plan with our infinitesimally limited perspective, original sin, whatever.  I say horseshit.  I’m not buying it.  I’m an atheist, so I understand that horrendously deformed babies and all the other horrible aspects of existence are not directed, not personal, not punitive, but simply the result of most of what happens is a result of random chance and chaos.  But if you’re going to espouse the idea of an omniscient and omnipotent creator God, then you can’t somehow say He’s responsible for everything that exists and intentionally created the way it all exists, and kiss His ass with thanks and praise every Sunday morning and then not dump an Olympic amount of blame on his hallowed lap for all the fuck ups.  Whatever it takes to get you through the night, I guess.  But He sure as hell doesn’t deserve 100% on his review with this “God makes no mistakes” nonsense.  If you believe in a creator god, then I think he probably has a pretty reasonable performance review coming up…probably something in the high 80s…a solid B.  He gets a lot of shit right.  But 100%. Absolutely not.  My ignorant and sinning ass could do better than that.  Maybe not with all the issues…I have no experience managing the rotation of the planets or creating stars or black holes or anything.  But if I was as all-powerful as you credit Him as being, I would at least manage not to fuck up the newborns.

N.P.: “In the Name of the Father” – Bono, Gavin Friday

It wasn’t a chemical imbalance, and it wasn’t drugs and alcohol. I think it was much more that I had lived an incredibly American life. This idea that if I could just achieve X and Y and Z, that everything would be okay. There’s a thing in the book about how when somebody leaps from a burning skyscraper, it’s not that they’re not afraid of falling anymore. It’s that the alternative is so awful. And so then you’re invited to consider what could be so awful…that leaping to your death would seem like an escape from it. I don’t know if you have any experience with this kind of thing. But it’s worse than any kind of physical injury. It may be in the old days what was known as a spiritual crisis…feeling as though every axiom in your life turned out to be false, and there was actually nothing. And that you were nothing. And that it’s all a delusion, and you’re so much better than everybody ’cause you can see how this is just a delusion, and you’re so much worse because you can’t fucking function. It’s really horrible. I don’t think that we ever change. I’m sure that I still have those same parts of me. Guess I’m trying really hard to find a way not to let them drive.
~ David Foster Wallace

Jayson Gallaway

June 22, 2019

“We often meet our destiny on the road we take to avoid it.”
~ Jean De La Fontaine