I seem to spend a lot of time apologizing to friends about my rather adolescent sense of humor. Which is fair: the most recent professional estimates puts much of my sense of humor as roughly the same as a 14-year-old boy. Which is fine, as long as that 14-year-old boy is really goddamn funny. Since I am not, in fact, anywhere close to 14, I spend a lot of my time stifling “that’s what she saids” and just general body-parts and -functions jokes. But about once a year, in science news, there is some development with Uranus (see…I’m already snickering), that allows writers to really cut loose with the headlines, and during that time, I feel that I’m in much better company than most of the rest of the year.
Last week was such a week, and to see otherwise serious and staid scientific writers cut loose adolescently warmed my heart. Here are some of the more memorable headlines and their generally reputable sources:
‘Cataclysmic’ collision shaped Uranus’ evolution – Phys.org
Okay…that’s reasonable…nothing egregious, unless you’re like me and start cackling once you read the thing out loud. This headline was followed shortly by another:
We Might Finally Know Who Smacked Uranus Sideways – Popular Mechanics
Nice! But the internet was just getting warmed up.
A massive object devastated Uranus a long time ago and it never fully recovered – BGR
I’m pretty sure I said that exact thing to an ex, but I was not referring to a planet.
I then saw numerous variations on the above themes, which were each wonderful in their own way:
Did Something Massive Smash Into Uranus? – io9
Massive object damaged Uranus forever – New York Post
My vote for first place was this instant classic:
Something huge when into Uranus and left it absolutely ruined – Metro
N.P.: “Rock Your Body Rock – Radio Edit” – Ferry Corsten