January 7, 2014

Dear Reader,

Namaste. And good God, wasn’t 2013 just a big bag of shit? It wasn’t the Worst Year So Far, but it was a very close second. Well…to hell with it. It’s over, and we got through it. Cheers to us.

Sorry I’ve been out of touch of so long, but I have been On the Goddamn Move. I am presently still hiding out in the suburban flatlands of California. It’s awful. Everything is exactly the same here every day. High of 63F in the daytime, just about freezing at night. No ice, no snow, no wind, no rain, no fog…nothing. Every day is sunny: not one cloud in the sky for three months. It’s the middle of winter, for fuck’s sake! Never in my life have I been this meteorologically bored.

[Takes a long slug of whiskey, looks to the sky, displays a defiant middle finger to the deity, then refocuses on the keyboard in front of him. Takes another drink of whiskey. Starts typing.]

I’ve been here for months, holed up in the top floor of a building for much of the time, just like Bin Ladin at the end. The day begins at 9 o’clock, when I leap out of bed, nude, and Rockette-kick over to my desk where I begin frantically typing. I’m not typing anything in particular – sometimes not even coherent words. See, there are other writers here, and I don’t want them to know that I’m not actually writing. That, and I just really like the sound of punching the keys. It sounds like…victory.

Anyway, as I was saying, I stay up in my room and type for four hours straight. Then we open the gin around one or two o’clock and start shooting at cats. After an hour or so of drinking, it’s time to put on some pants and head to the Automall to test drive cars.

It is madness. And it never stops. Remind me to tell you about what happened Christmas Eve.

Whoops…gotta run.

Still and always,

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