February 10, 2021

Through the greenish haze of the Ny-Quil, I found myself watching a marathon of Storage Wars.  I know I’ve bitched about it to you before, but the most bullshitty part of the show is the way that they post the price these fools paid for the locker, and then, without actually selling a single thing.  These doofuses just go tearing through boxes and spit out amounts: “Oh yeah, can get $40 easy for that…20 bucks for this.  This here’s easily $100….” And then on the screen, graphics tally all this nonsense up, and once the “projected” amount of profit exceeds the cost of the locker, the graphics ding and flash in celebration of the financial success we have just witnessed.  But they haven’t made a dime off of any of it…they’re just standing in a parking lot with a pile of someone else’s crap.
But last night I noticed that all these storage lockers are in places like Van Nuys and Chatsworth.  For those of you lucky dear readers who may not reside in California, those are the places outside Hollywood where they make all the porn.  It’s actually referred to as “Porn Valley.”  So I’m looking at these creepy, quasi-antisocial dudes lurking around storage lockers waiting for a chance to buy what’s in them sight-unseen, and I’m confident that they are all failed porn producers.  Or at least porn producers on a hiatus of some kind.  Hell, I dunno…maybe the whole home/amateur porn thing has done so much damage to the legacy “traditional” porn community that these dudes are having to slum it with the only gig they can get now on Storage Wars.

N.P.: “You Can’t Teach An Old Dog New Tricks” – Seasick Steve

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