“I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer…
the future’s uncertain and the end is always near.”
~ Jim Morrison

That sums up today rather aptly and succinctly, Uncle Jim.  Wrestled with the book for a while.  Started working on a review for you here.  BBQ’d both lunch and dinner.  Had a couple snorts off a new bottle of Flonase…good batch.  Now more fighting with the book.  Or books.  Whatever.  It’s just an endless sea of words waiting impatiently to be properly arranged at this point

N.P.: “Day Sixteen: Loser” – Ayreon

I need to write more letters.  Which is a ridiculous thing to say, because exactly the last thing I need is something else to write.  But I write a wicked letter, and it’s extremely therapeutic.

Okay…back to the book, that feels like it could go sailing completely off the rails and over a cliff any day now.

N.P.: “Spirits Will Collide” – Devin Townsend

I am working a lot, but it seems like not enough.  Never enough.  Must now collapse.

N.P.: “Doctorin’ the Tardis” – The Timelords

What’s crackin’, dear reader?  Sorry I missed you last night.  Had to go dark.  You know how it is…sometimes people in our lines of business have to go dark…I knew you’d understand.

Anyway, bidness handled, so now I can get back to the bidness at hand: this goddamn book.  I had a pretty intense conversation with two people with rather a lot of different letters after their last names today about the book and the content thereof.  It was…interesting.  I’m really not sure what’s going to happen with this book, but I suspect it too will be interesting.

N.P.: “Winner” – Cheeseburger

Still writing…gotta get back to it.  Just wanted to say hey.

I was mad at things all day.  First I got mad at James Hetfield of Metallica for becoming a touchy-feely hippy in his dotage.  It’s probably not actually the case, but I was listening to an interview with him this morning and he said a few things you just kind of wish the guys in Metallica wouldn’t say (except for Kirk…we expect it from him).  Then I got mad at pretty much everybody mentioned in the news as well as everybody who wrote the news.  Then I got mad at a bunch of different things in a sort of series and I don’t even remember what those things were.  But I was mad at them.

It was silly.

N.P.: “Burn” – The Cure

I use music for a lot of things every day.  Usually, it’s just mood regulation, keeping me from homicidal rage by giving me something pleasant to focus on.  But I use music a lot to sort of set the mood for working on one project or another.  This is especially helpful if I have to switch back and forth between projects and need to access different voices and attitudes quickly.  It’s kind of like getting into character for an actor.

The playlist I have for The Book presently has 71 songs in it, and I’ll usually just open the playlist and hit Shuffle when it’s time to work on this thing…that’s actually what’s going on right now.  What’s interesting is that as the shape and tone of what I’m hoping is the final version of the book has started to solidify, several of the songs have sort migrated up toward the top of the list, sort of as more important, essential music, if that makes sense.  As they become associated with certain scenes, and those scenes finally find an order that works, the songs assume their proper formation.  I guess if the movie of this book that I see in my head had a soundtrack, this would be it, and I thought it might be cool to share it with you, dear reader.  You were just bitching about not having anything good to listen to anyway.  Here’s a Spotify link if you rock, a track listing beneath if you don’t.  Enjoy.

N.P.: “Soundtrack to ** ***** ******”:

1.   “Immigrant Song” – SOAK
2.   “Run” – AWOLNATION
3.   “I’m Only Joking” – KONGOS
4.   “Dangerous (feat. Joywave)” – Big Data
5.   “Pretty When You Cry” – Vast
6.   “Nature of Inviting” – IAMX
7.   “Should I Stay or Should I Go” – Powerman 5000
8.   “I Can’t Decide” – Scissor Sisters
9.   “Requiem, Op. 48: 1. Introit” – Gabriel Faurè, Laurence Equilbey, Accentus, Orchestre National de France
10.   “Kuss” – Eisbrecher
11.   “Angel (2006 Digital Remaster)” – Massive Attack
12.   “Crazy” – Kidneythieves
13.   “Lovesong” – Snake River Conspiracy
14.   “Unglued” – Big Data
15.   “Psycho Killer” – One Bad Son
16.   “Immigrant Song” – Style Project

Okay, fuck it: a huge part of why this goddamn book is so difficult to write is that I’m having to pretty constantly having to override some extremely powerful, almost impenetrable defense mechanisms that were designed not to be overridden.  I seem to be getting better at it as time goes on, but it is absolutely exhausting and makes for a lot of psychic discord.  I’m really in no shape to be writing this, but I also have no choice.

So yeah…better get back to it.

N.P.: “Love You to Death” – Type O Negative

Two bits of good news tonight, dear reader:  first, this dumb-ass week is over.  Second, I’ve decided to move the Tijuana Adventure up a couple of months.  That means no bullfights, but if I survive this trip, I can go back in August during fight season.

Not much work on the book(s) today.  I suppose I could still do some damage tonight.  I’m a month out from one deadline, and there is no way (barring divine intervention or some sort of insane genius three-week non-stop manic writing jag) either one of these things will be finished in time.  I guess I should try to get a few pages in tonight.  Okay, fine.

N.P.: “Prey & Obey” – Pig

I’m tired.  And frustrated.  And existentially bored.  Depressed.  Resentful.  Vengeful.  Jaded.  Cynical. And hot.  Jesus, why does it have to be so hot?

Anyway, I’m writing a ton.  Doubt I’m going to make the first deadline for the book.  In need of management.  Guidance.  Therapy.  There are oh so many issues, dear reader.

First things first: I need sleep.  I’ve only been getting a couple hours each night this week.  It’s starting to show.  So into the arms of Hypnos and the Oneiroi I hopefully go.

N.P.: “Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 3” – Pink Floyd

“Being offended is that natural consequence of leaving one’s home.  I do not like after-shave lotion, adults who roller-skate, children who speak French, or anyone who is unduly tan.  In private I avoid such people; in public they have the run of the place.  I stay at home as much as possible, and so should they.  When it is necessary, however, to go out of the house, they must be prepared, as I am, to deal with the unpleasant personal habits of others.  That is what ‘public’ means.  If you can’t stand the heat, get back in the kitchen.”

~ Fran Lebowitz

N.P.: “Paint It, Black” – The Rolling Stones