Art by Tasty Piece,©️ The Safehouse Collection 2022

“Music loud and women warm…
I’ve been kicked around since I was born.”
~ Maurice Gibb

That about sums it up, dear reader.  Maurice knew what mattered, and perhaps more importantly, what didn’t.  But none of that matters anymore…Maurice is long dead and I’m still here, so I’m not sure how much of his wisdom I’m supposed to let eclipse mine.   According to the calendar, today is the first day of October.

If one were to argue this point based on all available objective perception, one would not be out of line, for one would be basing one’s argument pretty solidly on the fact that it is presently 95 F(ucking degrees) outside, with nary a cloud in the sky. This, of course, is in California. The land of fruits and nuts, though that means something different than it did 100 years ago, where fall apparently means “let’s turn up the heat a few more notches before we’re forced to confront the reality of winter.”

So, I ask you: what the fuck happened to fall? Remember fall?  It was that brief, beautiful period between summer and winter when the weather was perfect, the leaves were changing color, and pumpkin spice lattes were in season. We did a little digging and found out what happened: Governor Gavin Newsom signed an executive order last year, in a late-night executive session that went unmentioned by the press, banning fall. “Autumn is bigoted and sexist, and a vestigial part of the systemic racism in American timekeeping,” reads the official statement of the Governor’s Office. “Besides, fall has felt like an afterthought for a lot of years now; an after-party to summer that no one really wants to attend but feels obligated to nonetheless. Well, no more! No more fall!”

This is bullshit, of course. Fall was my favorite season, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some two-bit politician take it away from me without a fight. I’m throwing down the gauntlet: #BringBackFallYouDick!

N.P.: “God Only Knows” – Gary Numan