May 19, 2024

I was reading a post from one of my hippie friends bitching about “fake, made-up holidays.”  I’ve heard similarly dim people speak derisively about “Hallmark Holidays.”  What twaddle.

Rather than spend the next half hour hurling invective at this stupidity like Zeus hurls lightning bolts at mortals, I will instead rhetorically ask the questions I would as this person if she was here.

First, define your terms: what is a fake or made-up holiday?  I guess most importantly, what is your definition of “made up”?  Can you give me an example of a fake holiday?  Now give me an example of a real (non-fake) holiday.  What exactly is the difference between the two?

This type of world view truly baffles me.  What sort of myopic historical perspective must one have to think that…Jesus.  Okay, look: all holidays are made up.  How the fuck else do you think they came to be?  Like certain holidays always existed in the Empyrion and when the guys sat down to create the first calendar, they said to themselves, “Okay…the only rules are 12 months, 52 weeks, and 12 months…seven days a week…other than that, go nuts.  Oh wait…we can’t forget about the holidays…we have this list of holidays given to us from On High…so these holidays have to celebrated on these specific days.  But other than that, go nuts.”

Listen, Sunshine: all the holidays, like all of the calendars, like time itself, are made-up.

N.P.: “Cinnamon Girl” – Jeff Russo, Noah Hawley

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