Most Americans are slavish in their speech.  What I mean is they don’t really choose their own words: they just involuntarily spew whatever moronic nonsense is unofficially trending socially: “it is what it is,” and “I know, right,” are the most insipid and egregious examples.  Disgusting.  Anyway, another such offense, albeit and a very situationally specific one, is the repugnant greeting “Welcome in” presently en vogue with millennials employed in retail.  At first, somewhat optimistically, I thought I was hearing the German “Willkommen.”  But I was wrong.  The worst part might have been that the first time I heard it, I heard it every single place I went for the rest of the day and anytime I’ve been silly enough to go to a mall since.  It pisses me off because “welcome” is perfectly acceptable and has been for hundreds of years.  “Come in” is also perfectly acceptable, adding a more informal, “folksy” element to the greeting.  But they’re trying to split the baby with this “welcome in” shit.  To preserve my sanity (and to prevent potential assaults at the mall), I tell myself that they are saying, “Well, come in.”  Like, “…the fuck you waiting for?  Bring ya ass…this shit ain’t gonna buy itself.”  Seems more dignified.  I can pretend.

N.P.: “Masquerade – Orchestral Version” – Berlin

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