Hotel California has a woodpecker that shows up every October 1st, after a 9-month absence, and started pounding away at whatever spot it left on last year.  If the owner patches the spot with a metal plate, the bird either doesn’t notice or particularly care.  I loathe the bird and have actively tried to murder it numerous times in previous seasons, but failed to prevail due to inadequate tools.  If I could take one of the guns outside I could blow the thing off the roof and out of the sky easily.  But me running around outside holding any kind of gun is the sort of thing that attracts SWAT teams and CNN news crews.  And we don’t want any of that, do we, dear reader?  No.  Of course not.  But that leaves me with a severe handicap when it comes to assassinating this bastard bird.

I’ll figure something out.

N.P.: “This Is Your Life (feat. Tyler Durden)” – The Dust Brothers

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