NIGHT WATCH

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S-1 (Anhedonia resident) was the driver of a motor vehicle stopped for a vehicle code violation. A record check revealed S-1 was on probation. A probation search of S-1’s vehicle led to the discovery of methamphetamine, crack cocaine, LSD, ecstasy, a couple pounds of Mexican ditch weed, and narcotic paraphernalia. S-1 was arrested, slapped, and then transported to the main jail (which is, of course, the only jail, Fecal Creek not being all that big of a suburb).

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DAY WATCH

EVENING WATCH

S-1 (Anhedonia resident) was the driver of a motor vehicle stopped for a vehicle code violation. An inventory search of S-1’s vehicle led to the discovery of heroin, mescaline, peyote, several guns, a grenade launcher, handcuffs, and roughly $2 million in cash, about $400 of which Miss Zeekrit forced on the arresting officer in the form of a rather egregious but successful bribe. S-1 was arrested, issued a citation, and released.

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S-1 (Anhedonia resident) was arrested for public intoxication (bath salts), face eating, piracy, the importation of dangerous animals, and an active warrant. S-1 was transported to the main jail, photographed naked, and taunted viciously.

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S-1 (Anhedonia resident) was arrested for public intoxication, public urination, lewd and lascivious behavior, pretending to have narcolepsy and violating her probation. S-1 was transported to the main jail.

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S-1 (Fecal Creek resident) was arrested for public intoxication, public jackassery, and having a ludicrously long neck, and transported to the main jail.  He sang Rush’s YYZ during the entire course of his arrest.

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Members of the community having information regarding criminal activity can send tips via SMS text message by entering CRIMES (274637) on their cell phones, followed by Tip6666 (agency identification number) and the message. Once users type in their message and press send, they will receive a confirmation text indicating that the message was received.

You can help Fecal Creek Detectives solve a crime by providing information. You may remain anonymous, but please, let us know what you know.

* All information is obtained from the Fecal Creek Police Department Daily Watch Summary. Booking photos are provided by the Fecal Creek Police Department if the suspects are still in custody.  All information is a matter of public record, and the media has a right to publish the information. Fecal Creek News may remove booking photos if requested.

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