Category Archives: Lucubrations

August 15, 2025

 

It’s not easy working on a book that you believe no publisher will ever touch.  There are morale issues with such an endeavor.  It can get tough to summon the energy and dedication to create something that may never see the light of day due to societal pusillanimity.  We live in the age of cowards, dear reader, which is wrist-slittingly depressing for some of us.  American society needs this book, but they are too afraid to even crack it.   Of course, if it does get published, it will be pretty revolutionary, if I may say so myself.

Here’s the thing about literary revolutions – they usually happen on Tuesday afternoons when  nobody’s paying attention, involving men with bad lungs and worse attitudes toward authority.  Which brings us, in that meandering way that all good stories eventually stumble toward their point (assuming they have one, which this one does, I think), to August 15th, 1945, when a certain skinny Brit named Eric Blair – though you probably know him by his pen name, the infinitely more ominous George Orwell – unleashed what might be the most savage takedown of totalitarian bullshit ever disguised as a children’s book about barnyard animals.  Animal Farm.  Two words that would make commissars shit themselves for decades to come.  Now, you might be thinking (and who am I to stop you from thinking, though the habit has become dangerous since this shitty decade began): “What’s so revolutionary about talking pigs?”  First you need to understand that this isn’t your average Charlotte’s Web situation.  This is literary napalm wrapped in the deceptively simple packaging of a fairy tale, which is exactly what makes it so goddamn brilliant.

Dig, if you will, this picture: It’s the middle of World War II, and here’s Orwell – already establishing himself as the kind of writer who looked at power structures the way an entomologist looks at particularly disgusting insects – crafting this razor-sharp allegory while the world burns around him.  The man had seen the writing on the wall (literally, considering his later work), and that writing spelled out the uncomfortable truth that maybe, just maybe, our glorious Soviet allies weren’t the freedom-loving champions of the proletariat they claimed to be.

But here’s where it gets interesting (and by interesting, I mean the kind of publishing nightmare that would make modern literary agents reach for the bourbon): Nobody wanted to touch this thing.  Publishers circled it like it was radioactive – which, in a sense, it was.  Political sensitivities were running higher than a meth-addled bat, and here comes Orwell with his talking pigs basically calling out Stalin as just another power-drunk pig in a different trough.

The rejection letters must have been poetry in their own right.  “Dear Mr. Blair, while we admire your allegorical approach to critiquing totalitarian regimes through the lens of barnyard democracy, we feel that now might not be the optimal time to publish what amounts to a literary assassination attempt on our wartime ally’s political system.  Also, talking animals are weird.  Sincerely, Cowardly Publishing House.”

But Orwell, bless his stubborn soul, kept pushing.  Because that’s what real writers do when they’ve got something to say: they say it, consequences be fucked.  The man had already taken a bullet fighting fascists in Spain (literally, through the throat), so a few nervous publishers weren’t about to stop him from exposing the porcine nature of power.

And then, finally, August 15th, 1945.  Secker and Warburg – publishers with enough testicular fortitude to recognize genius when it came wrapped in barnyard satire – released this literary dirty bomb into the world.  The timing was almost poetic: Japan had just surrendered, the war was ending, and suddenly everyone was free to start asking uncomfortable questions about what exactly they’d been fighting for.

The beauty of Animal Farm…the sheer, devastating brilliance of it…is how it works on multiple levels simultaneously.  Kids can read it as a simple story about farm animals.  Adults can appreciate it as a scathing indictment of Soviet totalitarianism.  Political scientists can analyze it as a meditation on the corruption of revolutionary ideals.  And cynics (like yrs. truly) can admire it as proof that sometimes the best way to tell the truth is to dress it up as a lie.

“All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.”  If that line doesn’t make you simultaneously laugh and want to burn down the nearest government building, you might want to check your pulse.

The book’s impact was immediate and massive.  Here was someone finally saying what a lot of people had been thinking but were too polite (or terrified) to articulate: that power corrupts absolutely, regardless of the ideology used to justify it.  That revolutionary leaders have an unfortunate tendency to become the very thing they overthrew.  That the pigs, quite literally, end up indistinguishable from the humans.

What makes this whole story even more tasty is the context: while Orwell was writing this devastating critique of Soviet communism, the Western world was still largely enchanted with Stalin and company.  The man was essentially committing literary treason against the prevailing narrative, and he did it with such style and wit that by the time people realized what he was doing, it was too late to stop him.

The book became a phenomenon – banned in Soviet countries (natch), embraced by Western readers hungry for someone to finally call bullshit on the whole utopian communist experiment, and studied in schools worldwide as an example of how literature can be both entertaining and subversive as hell.

So raise a glass (or 12) to George Orwell, literary badass and professional pain-in-the-ass to tyrants everywhere.  The man who proved that sometimes the most revolutionary act is simply telling the truth, even when – especially when – nobody wants to hear it.  He gave us talking pigs that tell us more about human nature than most humans ever will.

And that, dear reader, is how you stage a literary revolution.

Because in the end, we’re all just animals in someone else’s farm.  The question is: are we going to be the sheep, or are we going to be the ones exposing the pigs?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need another drink.  All this talk of revolution and talking pigs has left me thirsty for desk bourbon and suspicious of barnyard animals.

N.P.: “My Angel” – Binary Park

August 14, 2025

Back on dry land after yesterday’s nonsense, thank Christ.
Yesterday, in the midst of the just-mentioned nonsense, I overheard some jackass say Queen was “the most overrated band ever.  That guy can go fuck himself.
I started to write something for you about Berthold Brecht, who died on this day in 1956, but I’d be willing to bet a testicle that you have no idea whom that is.  It was going to be this whole thing about the Theater of the Absurd, and then I was really going to focus on the influence Brecht had on Jim Morrison of The Doors.  Then I realized I could probably safely bet my other testicle that you haven’t heard of him/them either.
And then I got busy with some other writing, and then tonight I have to fight a bunch of people.  So Berthold doesn’t get his due again this year.

N.P.: “Alabama Song (Whisky Bar)” – The Doors

August 13, 2025

Travel day.  I have a strong dislike for travel days.  Wrote a haiku on a cocktail napkin:

Planes, trains, endless waits,
Lost my bag and my damn mind
Where’s the fucking bar?

Things will be back to “normal” tomorrow.

N.P.: “Head Over Heels” – J.D. McPherson

August 12, 2025

I don’t even know why I try to do any serious writing in the summer…I have never been able to artfully express myself in this ridiculous and oppressive heat.  The higher the temperature, the lower the (good) word count.  That said, I shall continue to press, continue trying.  What the hell else am I going to do.

Today is a Triple Death Day on the D.P.S. calendar, so pour some out and throw some back for three literary badasses who have gone on to their Great Reward.  Unfortunately, I’ll have to be shamefully brief for each one, as this goddamn book is demanding attention, and I’m in no position to deny it.

Up (or perhaps down) first is William Blake.  This visionary poet and artist passed away on August 12, 1827.  If you’re not familiar, I highly recommend checking out Songs of Innocence and of Experience and The Marriage of Heaven and Hell, both being absolutely revolutionary, blending mysticism, some pretty radical politics, and raw creativity.  Blake’s defiance of conventional norms along with his unapologetic exploration of human nature and spirituality make his legacy patently badass in its fearless originality.  His death marked the end of a fascinating life spent challenging the status quo through art and words.

Next we have Thomas Mann, the German novelist and Nobel Prize winner who died on August 12, 1955.  If the dear reader is not familiar with him, check out Death in Venice and The Magic Mountain.  These both tackle some pretty big ideas – desire, morality, and the human condition – unflinchingly.  Mann showed a lot of courage in critiquing his society, especially during the rise of actual Nazism.  He has earned his place here for myriad reasons, with one of the biggest being impressive intellectual bravery.

Lastly is Ian Fleming, creator of James Bond, who died on August 12, 1964.  The Bond novels, starting with Casino Royale, redefined spy fiction with their suave, gritty, and unapologetically adventurous style.  Fleming used his own experiences as a naval intelligence officer to fuel his stories with a raw, larger-than-life energy – think fast cars, high stakes, and a hero who’s cool under pressure.  His death marked a pivotal moment for a franchise that still dominates pop culture, though now more for controversy than solid storytelling…recent efforts to make James Bond female have been met with bitter and brutal backlash from those of us who understand that you can’t swap the gender of a beloved character without profoundly changing that characters in ways that would make the original creator reach for a weapon in his grave.

Alright, dear reader…back to it.

N.P.: “Skeletal Parade” – Santa Hates You

August 10, 2025

 

Fecal Creek, this sweltering armpit of a town, is a place where the heat doesn’t just sit on you – it climbs inside you, like some malevolent spirit, and starts rearranging your organs for sport.  It’s the kind of heat that makes you question your life choices, your ancestors’ life choices, and whether or not you’re actually in some kind of purgatorial simulation designed by a sadistic deity with a grudge against mammals.  But hey, 105F is practically a cold front compared to the usual Dante’s Inferno we call summer.  So, I guess we’re supposed to be grateful?  Grateful that the sun has decided to only lightly roast us this year instead of slow-cooking us like a brisket?  Sure.  Fine.  Whatever.

But let’s talk about the real problem here: the goddamn wildlife.  The coyotes, the mountain lions, the feathered sociopaths with wingspans that blot out the sun when they fly over.  They’re all out there, lurking, scheming, waiting for the moment you let your guard down.  And let me tell you, dear reader, these fuckers are getting bold.  The mountain lion on the Ring cam at 3 a.m.?  That’s not just a thirsty cat looking for a drink.  That’s a declaration of war.  That’s nature saying, “Hey, remember when you paved over my hunting grounds and built your little stucco McMansions?  Yeah, well, I’m here to collect.”

And those goddamn hawks.  These aren’t just majestic symbols of freedom soaring through the skies.  They are airborne thugs, feathered enforcers of some avian mafia, circling overhead like they’re auditioning for a Hitchcock reboot.  They don’t just look at you; they size you up.  They calculate angles, trajectories, wind speeds.  They’re running the numbers on whether they can snatch your 7-pound puppy and still make it back to their perch without breaking a sweat.  And the bastard turkey vultures are the cleanup crew, the ones how show up after the hawks have done the dirty work, picking the bones clean and leaving nothing but cold Darwinism.

It’s not just the animals, though.  It’s the principle of the thing.  The sheer audacity of these creatures to act like they own the place.  And maybe they do.  Maybe they’ve earned it, what with us humans being too busy sipping oat milk lattes and debating pronouns to remember that we’re supposed to be the apex predators here.  But I’m not about to let some coyote or hawk or mountain lion punk me out in my own backyard.  Not today.  Not ever.  Fuck no.  I’ve got a sidearm, a shitty attitude, and a deep-seated need to remind the animal kingdom that opposable thumbs and firearms trump fangs and claws every time.

So, yeah, dear reader, I suppose I’ll be out there until the rain comes again, scanning the skies, patrolling the yard like some deranged suburban commando, ready to thrown down with anything that moves.  Because this is Fecal Creek, goddammit, and if the heat doesn’t kill you, the wildlife just might.


Post Script:  Holy shit, dear reader!  I was talking about the arrogant wildlife in The Creek with a friend over lunch, and said friend told me something I could not believe: there are both scorpions and tarantulas in Fecal Creek.  Jesus!  Of course I assumed he was fucking with me, because I’ve lived in this part of California for almost all of my life, and I have not once seen either scorpions or tarantulas.  I just assumed we were too far north for such wicked creatures, but no!  I was wrong.  According to the interwebs: “the California common scorpion, Northern scorpion, and the Black hairy scorpion can be found around residential homes.”  And “the tarantulas around here live in burrows and come out at night to hunt for food, which can include insects, lizards, and even small mammals,” like 7-pound puppies!  So this means during full moons when I go out back wearing nothing but a sheen of Vaseline, a cowboy hat, and a smile, and dance around like a savage that I might be trodding upon a fucking tarantula?  Well, fuck that, dear reader!  I’m going to have to find more suitable accommodations post haste.

N.P.: “Headhunter” – La Muerte

August 9, 2025

 

I’ve been pretty misanthropic most of my life.  Not aggressively so, just kind of consistently disappointed in humans for myriad reasons.  But I’ve really spent a lot of time and energy trying to grow past that and become more understanding and patient with my fellow humans.  I’ve hung out with Buddhist monks, worked with counselors on empathy, compassion, and perspective taking.  And I’ve made a lot of progress, particularly in the last five years or so.  Living in a “big” small town has been helpful, I think, as opposed to some sprawling metropolis where you neither know nor want to know who the other city dwellers are and how they spend their time.

My view nowadays tends to be that the people I see around every day are basically good people: they get up every day to go to work (whatever that may mean in their cases) in order to take care of their loved ones.  In doing so, I believe they mostly want to avoid conflicts, problems, and hassles if they can be at all avoided.  Basically, for the most part, they just want to be left the hell alone.  Which is fine with me.  I can certainly work with that.  And I’m pretty much at peace with my fellow man.

But then I go to Costco.  And all that quasi-Disney shit goes right out the window.  All of that hard-earned progress, all of that inner peace, all of that carefully cultivated compassion for humanity?  It evaporates the moment I step into that fluorescent-lit coliseum of chaos.  Costco is where why misanthropy goes to stretch its legs, crack its knuckles, and say, “Oh, you thought you were over me?  Cute.”

To be honest, it always seems to start before I even enter the parking lot…people in The Creek are notoriously poor drivers, but for some reason, in that part of town, they are especially idiotic: stopping for no reason, have a sort of “contemplative” phase of going when the light turns green…it like they need a few seconds to consider the implications of releasing the brake and pressing on the accelerator.  So I’m always in a rapidly darkening mood by the time I get to the parking lot, which is less a place to leave your car and more a gladiatorial arena where SUVs and minivans battle for dominance.  There’s always some dickhead who decides that the rules of physics and common decency don’t apply to them, cutting across lanes diagonally like they’re being chased by a swarm of Africanized bees.  The transgressions are too numerous to list, but I’m convinced that Costco parking lots are where people go to audition for the role of “Biggest Shithead Out There.”

Then, assuming you’ve managed to find someplace suitable to leave your car and survive the hike to the actual doors of the store, you’re stopped dead in your tracks by half a dozen jackasses who somehow just realized they were at Costco and thus needed to present their Costco IDs.  So they just stop pushing the cart they just got…just stop, dead in their tracks, and start pathetically fishing through their pants pockets and wallet looking for their cards.  Get the fuck out of the way! Jesus!  Some of us can whip out our cards they same way ninja can pull out a shuriken.  I navigate around these dolts quickly, but they’ve done nothing to slow the darkening of my mood.  Then I finally step inside.

No matter how many times you’ve been there, the first thing that hits you is the sheer scale of it all.  It’s like someone took a regular grocery store, fed it steroids and meth for a year, and then dared it to fight God.  Everything is bigger, louder, and somehow more existentially threatening.

And then, of course, there are the people.  Oh, the fucking people.  Incapable of situational awareness or walking in a straight line, they meander aimlessly, pushing carts the size of small boats, stopping dead in the middle of the aisle to contemplate the mysteries of life – or, more likely, whether they really need 48 rolls of toilet paper.  Pro Tip: they do.  We all do.  It’s Costco.

Then there’s the weirdness throughout the free sample gauntlet, which is less about trying new foods and more about watching grown-ass adults devolve into feral scavengers.  I once saw a man elbow a grandmother out of the way for a tiny paper cup of microwaved ravioli.  Which was bad enough, but then I kind of respected him for it.  That’s what Costco does to you.  It makes you question your morals, your values, and whether you, too, would shove an elderly woman for a bit-sized piece of cheesecake.

The weirdness continues at the checkout line as I look down at the cartful of things I didn’t know I needed: industrial-sized tubs of baba ghanoush, a 12-pack of scissors, a kayak.  I’m almost positive all the employees hate all the customers.  How could they not?  We’re the worst.  Well, not me…I’m a fucking dream, The cashier scans my items with the dead-eyed efficiency of someone who has seen too much.  And I’m sure they have.

I need to lean on Costco delivery more.  It will help my world view.

N.P.: “Toccata And Fudge” – JUNKYARD REBEL

August 7, 2025

The last couple days seemed like they were spent running all over California putting out fires, solving problems, and making decisions.  It was kind of nuts.  But at the end of it, I was reminded of something I’ve been meaning to share with you, dear reader.

Lately, if I’m getting kind of depressed, or thinking things aren’t going well, or that we are all completely doomed, I’ve gotten much comfort and psychological release by watching Corey Feldman concert/live performance/what-have-you videos.  There’s something deeply cathartic about seeing a grown man throw himself into the tar pit of public humiliation with the sincerity of a first-grader showing off their macaroni art.  Feldman on stage is a spectacle so awkward it transcends cringe and lands somewhere in the realm of performance art.  Except the performance here isn’t intentional.  It’s like he’s both unaware and immune to the schadenfreude he triggers, a modern Icarus soaring on wings constructed entirely from false confidence and dollar-store glitter.

There’s no need to sugarcoat this.  Watching Corey Feldman crash through his Michael Jackson, rock-star fantasy feels like scratching an emotional itch.  It’s like seeing every embarrassing mistake you’ve made in your life, only televised and equipped with bad choreography.  For your consideration – and perhaps your morbid delight – here are my top five most skull-curdling moments from Feldman’s apocalyptic concert video collection, in no particular order:

  1. “Here he comes…the Comeback King!”  The chanting.  Oh sweet lord, the chanting.  So just before his show is supposed to start, Corey sends the poor hapless bastards that comprise his band out on stage to attempt to lead the audience in a chant “to get Corey to come out.”  One has to feel sorry for these band members…they’ve been bouncing around L.A. trying to get big gigs as session players or, anything, really, and they finally get the call: a regular, paying gig.  But it’s in the backing band for Corey Fucking Feldman.  Shit!  Can you imagine?  Of course they’re going to take the gig…you don’t turn down work in L.A….a gig is a gig.  But this gig means going out on stage on the patio of some low-rent beer garden in North Hollywood and trying to get the people who have paid some nominal fee to see what the hell Corey Feldman’s doing these days, and the band members have to basically cajole the audience into chanting, “Here he comes…the Comeback King” over and over.  The band chants it over and over, waiting for the crowd (such that it is) to join in.  They don’t.  They never do.  Instead, what they get is scattered pity applause from a crowd of approximately seventeen people (including venue staff), most of whom look like they were lured in with free drink coupons.  Free drinks!  “Come on,” the poor lead singer whines, “let’s get Corey to come out.”  No effect.  It’s a trainwreck wrapped in a fantasy wrapped in $12 FedExed charisma.
  2. So Corey eventually comes out onto stage, and the tens of people there cheer half-assedly.  But those cheers are almost immediately silenced when Corey starts shutting the band down a full five seconds into their set, shouting, ‘Start over!  Start over!  C’mon guys…”  Somewhere in the wasteland of Corey’s mind, there lives this bizarre idea that if a song starts badly, he can just stop it, snap his fingers, and have fate itself do a do-over.  The band look at each other, then at Corey, then back at each other as they kind of shrug and start playing again.  Watching it feels like being at a séance except the only ghost conjured is his career, and it refuses to stay dead.
  3. Soon he launches into his rendition of “Cry Little Sister,” from the Lost Boys Soundtrack (which movie Corey was in back in the mid-80s).  He heads to the mic to start singing, but misjudges the space between the mic and his face, and WHAM.  His face meets the microphone on a tragicomic slow-motion collision that somehow feels inevitable (and also like something directly out of Spinal Tap).  The moment hangs there for a second, like the universe itself pausing to consider if Feldman deserves this.  Spoiler again…he does.  He actually says, “Ow,” and then tried to continue the song, with the precision and grace of a bird smacking into a glass door.
  4. Thriller, with no thrills.  Here’s where Corey’s pathology breaks new ground.  With a wardrobe that looks like the clearance bin from Spirit Halloween and over-choreographed moves straight out of a middle school talent show, Feldman attempts to resurrect the gilded ghost of Michael Jackson.  The moonwalks are less “gliding on air” and more “dragging a reluctant dog across linoleum.”  To call it an homage is an insult to homages.  It is actually far beyond derivative.  It’s like watching someone mime their own midlife crisis to a bad cover of “Billie Jean.”  If MJ’s spirit is out there, it’s rolling its spectral eyes so hard it’s affecting the tides.
  5. Feldman once decided – because of course he did – that he should rise above the stage clad in an angel costume with wings so cheap they looked like they were assembled from dollar-store placemats.  Suspended by what I can only assume were the same wires used for high school theater productions, he floated just high enough to make it awkward but not convincing.  Combine that with his dead-eyed expression as he yelped lyrics about “saving the children” or some such shit…it was just awful.  At this point, not only did I pity his band, but I almost started to pity him, hanging there like your grandpa’s ball bag.

This is a man who took his status as a beloved ’80s movie icon and chose to weave it into a tapestry of unchecked “musical” hubris.  And he’s the kicker – it’s not even mean to roast him like this.  The man seems impervious, an invincible cringe titan, trucking along, dream intact, as if sheer determination will one day form it into a coherent reality.  You almost – almost – have to admire that kind of kamikaze commitment.
For me, Corey Feldman’s live performances remain a monument to the human ability to fail spectacularly while refusing to quit.  And there’s something beautiful about that, in the same way watching a dumpster fire is beautiful.  Yes, it’s absolute chaos, but damn if it isn’t hard to look away.

N.P.: “Paint It Black” – The Tea Party

August 4, 2025

Well, shit, dear reader…it’s Monday.  This particular Monday seems to bring with it what I consider a rather undue amount of pain-in-the-assness.  So much so that I was inspired to write a haiku about it.  Behold, dear reader…this is called “A Case of the Mondays”:

Coffee scalds my soul,
Emails breed like cursed rabbits.
Fuck this goddamned day.

Shakespeare’s shitting himself, I’m sure.  Anyway, it isn’t all angst and annoyance today…today we raise a toast to Percy Bysshe Shelley, who was born in this day in 1792.  Who da hell is Percy Bysshe Shelley, I can hear you ask.  He was the dude wrote Ozymandias.  If that’s not ringing any bells for you, congratulations: you’re one of four people who made it through high school English class without this poem getting crammed into your brain via a wheezy substitute teacher.  So for you four (and anyone who might need a refresher, here’s a fast-and-filthy breakdown:

Some ancient king, Ozymandias, wanted the world to think he was the man.  He had this massive statue erected in the middle of nowhere because, well, that’s what insecure people with too much money and too many artisans lying around did back in the day.  The pedestal basically screams, “Look at my works, ye Mighty, and despair!” – except, plot twist: the empire is kaput, the statue’s a wreck, and the “mighty” are now mostly sand dunes auditioning for a Mad Max sequel.  Shelley delivers the whole thing like a mic drop at history’s least fun open mic night.

This is basically a restatement of yesterday’s post about “ubi sunt.”  The overall message of Ozymandias is a reflection/reminder of the impermanence of power, legacy, and human achievement.  Through the imagery of a ruined statue in a desolate desert, the poem reminds us that even the mightiest rulers and their grand empires are ultimately, like everything else, subject to the ravages of time.  So whatever huge problems you think you’ve been dealing with for a while, dear reader, are, ultimately, nothing.  Everything you’ve ever said, done, or felt, is, ultimately, nothing.  And no matter what you achieve in this life, no matter what, will be completely forgotten almost immediately after you die.  In fact, you will be forgotten almost immediately after you die.  You’ll be remembered by your children, maybe somewhat by your grandchildren, but once they die or stop remembering you, you will be forgotten.  No matter what.

There are, from my perspective, two ways of dealing with this: 1) get really depressed about the complete futility of absolutely everything and kind of give up on life, or 2) lean into this guaranteed irrelevance and quit worrying so goddamn much about every little one of your problems.  Maybe even take a risk, dare to live a little…because whether you have total triumph or humiliating failure, it won’t matter at all in a few years because no one will remember it.  (How’s that for a fucking Monday, dear reader?)

So a very happy birthday to Mr. Shelley.  Now go reread Ozymandias and then knock over the nearest metaphorical statue of anyone who takes themselves too seriously.  Percy would’ve liked that.

N.P.: “Cherub Rock” – Razed In Black

Word of the Day: Ubi Sunt

 

I know, I know, dear reader: that’s two words, and they’re not even English.  What the hell?  And I hear ya.  But my wine-dark psyche is absolutely full of ubi sunt these days, so I thought you might want to get in on the action.  Ubi sunt (pronounced OO-bee SOONT) is short for “Ubi sunt qui ante nos fuerunt?” – “Where are those who were before us?”  Roll that around in your head for a beat.  Ubi sunt, the Latin rhetorical question (and more-than-gently existential earworm), asks a deceptively simple question with jagged edges.  On its surface, it might seem to be pining for the “good old days,” but peel back the layers, and what you have is a blunt-force meditation on the ephemerality of all things – you, me, the on-loan future, this whole absurd circus act we call existence.

Etymology’s simple: Latin, medieval, rooted in the kind of poetry monks scribbled while contemplating skulls and candlelight.  Think Beowulf’s mead-hall musings or those old French chansons wailing about dead knights.  It’s a motif, a vibe, a whole damn mood – nostalgia on the surface, but dig a little deeper, and it’s a skull-rattling meditation on mortality, the fleetingness of every goddamn thing.

I’m pretty sure if you’re still reading, you’re either a Ren Faire kid, a caffeine-riddled lit major, or a hyper-literate goth stumbling through existential malaise.  In which case, the following examples of ubi sunt in the wild are for you: try out The Wanderer, an Anglo-Saxon poem dripping with melancholic ubi sunt.  Or Villon’s Ballade des dames du tempt jadis, which asks, “Where are the snows of yesteryear?”  Spoiler alert – they melted, dickhead.  What emerges from these texts isn’t just nostalgia but a mosh pit of mortality, loss, and the brutal and cruel recognition that the people, things, and selves we once knew are irreversibly gone.  Did I just describe your internal monologue at 2 a.m.?  Sorry, dear reader, that’s my specialty.

These days, I’m spending way too much time staring into the void, wondering what the point is when The Reaper’s got us all on speed-dial.  Life is a cruel little carnival ride – bright lights, cheap thrills, and before you know it, the carny’s kicking you off into the dirt.  Ubi sunt isn’t just some dusty Latin phrase; it’s the question clawing at the back of my throat when I’m three whiskey’s deep, wondering where the heroes, the lovers, the friends, the whole damn parade of my younger days went.  Where’s the kid who thought he’d burn brighter than a supernova, then die before anyone else?  Where’s the fire that used to keep me up all night, scribbling manifestos on bar napkins?

The significance of ubi sunt, for me – for us, you and me, compadre – is that it’s a mirror held up to the relentless churn of time.  It’s not just nostalgia for the good ol’ days (though, Christ, don’t we all miss those?) but a reckoning with the fact that everything – everything – is temporary.  Your triumphs, your failures, the nights you felt invincible, the mornings you woke up tasting ashes – they’re all slipping through your fingers like sand.  The medieval poets got it: they’d wail about kings and warriors moldering in graves, their swords rusting, their names fading like smoke.  Me, I’m wailing about the bars that closed, the friends who drifted, the dreams that got lost in the mail.  Ubi sunt forces you to face the transience of it all, the way life’s a poker game where the house always wins.

And yeah, sometimes that makes it all feel like a pointless folly, a cosmic joke told by a comedian with a sick sense of humor.  I sit here on this Sunday afternoon, nursing a glass of something amber and unforgiving, and I can’t help but think: what’s the fucking use?  Why keep scribbling, fighting, loving, when it’s all gonna end up in the same trashcan.  But here’s the thing, dear reader…a little spark in the dark: ubi sunt isn’t just about despair.  It’s about defiance, too.  It’s about raising a glass to the ghosts, to the ones who came before, and saying, “I’m still here, you bastards.”  It’s about writing one more sentence, kissing one more woman, throwing one more punch, because even if the void is waiting, you can make it wait a little longer.

So, here’s to ubi sunt, to the ache of what’s lost and the fire of what’s left.  Where are they now, the ones who were before us?  Gone, of course, but their echoes linger in the stories we tell, the drinks we pour, and the words we hurl into the night.  And where are we?  Right here, for now, spitting in the face of oblivion.  Keep raging, keep writing, keep living – because even if it’s fleeting, it’s ours.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a bottle and a chapter to finish, and a universe to curse.

N.P.: “Left For Dead” – Tribe of Judah