Category Archives: Doggerel

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day, dear reader!  In honor of this auspicious day, I’ve written a poem.  It’s called Take Yo Mama to Brunch.  To wit:

Take yo mama to brunch,
Oh, don’t you dare delay,
She’s dealt with all your bullshit,
Now it’s her time to play.

She’s wrangled your tantrums,
Survived your disgusting smells,
And answered your dumbass questions,
Like, “Do pickles have shells?”

Now she deserves towers
Of waffles and cream,
A buttery croissant
And an endless mimosa stream.

Pile her plate with pancakes,
(Bacon on the side!)
chocolate-dipped bananas
And some sort of French toast slide.

The waiter arrives
With quiche in his grip,
But Mom grabs her fork
And takes a wild dip!

She’ll laugh as she slurps
From a fruit smoothie shoe,
Then orders an omelet
Made for an entire crew.

You’ll sit there observing,
Mouth open, aghast,
How can one tiny mama
Eat so goddamn fast?

Then she’ll pat her tummy,
Smiling and sly,
“Oh sweetie, what’s next?
Shall we order some pie?”

Take yo mama to brunch,
She’s earned every bite,
But don’t you dare forget
To tip her just right.

For her love is a buffet,
Endless and true,
And that’s why your mama
Deserves a brunch for two (or three…or nineteen, depending on how many her appetite can destroy in one sitting).

N.P.: “Take Your Mama” – Scissor Sisters

October 28, 2024

In the moon’s cold and silvery glow,
A figure stirs in shadows below.
With eyes like coals, it prowls the night,
A specter born of endless fright.

Cloaked in darkness, it silently creeps,
Through misty woods where the night wind weeps,
Its fangs gleam sharp, a predator’s grin,
As it hunts for the life that sustains its sin.

Behind closed curtains, hearts quicken with dread,
For the vampire’s thirst is far from fed.
It whispers softly through creaking doors,
A chilling promise of blood and gore.

The village shivers beneath starlit skies,
Where once calm dreams now harbor cries.
A shadowy wraith with a timeless stare,
The vampire’s touch a silent snare.

In gothic halls where candles flicker,
Its presence lingers, the air grows thicker.
With every heartbeat, terror spreads,
In its wake, only cold and lifeless beds.

Beware the moon when it rides high,
Casting its gaze on the midnight sky.
For in its glow, the vampire roams,
To claim the night as its eternal home.

N.P.: “Vampires” – Night Club

October 26, 2024

In the heart of the night, where silence reigns,
A phantom shadow breaks its chains.
The wind whispers secrets, cold and bleak,
As moonlight shivers upon the creek.
An ancient tree, with roots like veins,
Holds tales of sorrow and ghostly pains.
A lantern flickers on the winding path,
Casting ghostly figures in its wrath.
A chilling cry splits the still, dense air,
From lips unseen, a ghostly prayer.
A figure cloaked in midnight’s shroud,
Moves silently beneath the cloud.
Eyes of darkness, void and deep,
Guard the secrets shadows keep.

N.P.: “The Gypsy Theme” – Slash

April 12, 2024

And now, a haiku:

Some days life just sucks. 
But then I think about you.
And that makes it worse. 

N.P.: “‘I Know’ [MIXED]” – Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, Boys Noize

November 12, 2023

In the twilight moments of our spinning sphere,
Where the cosmic clock ticks, end drawing near.
The sun, a fiery orb, blinks its final goodbye,
As the stars whisper secrets to the midnight sky.

A world once teeming, now silent and cold,
A tale of destruction, in hushed voices told.
The cities lie empty, a ghostly parade,
Monuments to tolerance, in decay displayed.

The machines of progress, rusted and still
Abandoned by their makers, and their loss of will.
The nation’s canvas, once vibrant and bold,
Now a barren wasteland, a story told.

Yet in this desolation, a beauty surreal,
As if time has stopped, in a final ordeal.
An eerie tranquility blankets the land,
A testament to a cycle we couldn’t withstand.

The oceans are mirrors, reflecting the void,
Where life once flourished, now asteroid.
The mountains stand proud, their majesty remains,
Silent sentinels over desolate plains.

A haunting symphony of the end plays,
In the hollow echoes of forgotten days.
Yet in this silence, a truth unfurls,
The end is no gateway to other worlds.

The Poet once said, in his wisdom profound,
“The aim of life is death, the roundabout bound.”
So too, the world, in its final dance,
Embraces the end, not by chance.

So here lies the world, in its final repose,
In the grand opera of existence, the final doze.
So pray, dear traveler, as you wander the stars,
Every end is a beginning, no matter the scars.

N.P.: “Funeral March” – 2WEI