Each time you light your lighter, your lighter gets lighter until your lighter is too light to light.

During this time of regular daily televised updates by various municipal, state, and national officials, I have developed an entirely new appreciation for the comedic theater art that is sign language interpretation.  I’ve become so fixated with the almost kabuki-like expressions employed by these good folks during these pressers…it’s amazing and oftentimes hilarious.  I’m sure there is a very legitimate reason for them doing this, and am admittedly totally ignorant about the whole sign language deal other than I think it’s great that our deaf brethren can be informed by watching TV, but I have become so fixated on the various interpreters that I don’t really hear any of the message being conveyed.  I’m trying to think of a way to make a drink game around their faces, but I can’t come up with anything that wouldn’t get everyone completely shithoused inside of five minutes.  Then again, some people might say that is the definition of a good drinking game.  Especially now, when everybody’s either out of work or working from home, day drinking is not only totally acceptable but really de rigueur.

I heard some pathetic moans about Earth Day today.  All of the stupid rallies were gloriously cancelled due to the high likeliness that all hippies are currently simply swimming with disease.  They really are.  That aside, however, I’ve never understood Earth Day.  You don’t really mean it.  You can’t.  In order for it to be legitimate, you need to not only have other options, but to have thoroughly explored those options.  But this is in all probability the only planet you’ve ever actually lived on.  How do you know it’s all that great?  Saturn is fucking lovely this time of year…spend some time up there and you might think boring old Earth ain’t really all that.  But also you probably don’t have a choice.  I mean, it’s not like if you get pissed off at the earth that you can leave it and call the lawyers.  You’re stuck here.  So celebrating Earth Day is rather like giving the spouse you are in a loveless arranged marriage with anniversary flowers if that spouse was in a coma and had no idea what you were doing (I really hope the hippies don’t think the earth actually knows that’s it’s Earth Day or that it’s being celebrated).  Anyway, that’s why I think Earth Day is stupid.  Earth itself isn’t much better.  It actually kind of stinks.  It’s not nearly as rank as Uranus, but, of course, nothing is.

N.P.: “Never Dance Again” – Sunset Neon, Blue Stahli