Happy birthday, Mary.

A really cool thing happened today, and I can’t talk about it.  It seems like the best things come with either understandings of secrecy if not actual NDAs.  So you’re going to have to trust me on this one, dear reader: ’twas really cool.
If I could say anything about it, I would be giving you the backstory and a few details in this paragraph.  Unfortunately, though, as mentioned supra, intelligent reader, I can’t talk about it.  Almost sounds like Fight Club.  I wish I was in Fight Club.  I wonder what Tyler Durden’s doing right now.
There’s a high likelihood that this paragraph would contain a few more details about the Cool Thing, plus my hopes for the thing and what it means for the future.  But alas, most attractive reader, as we’ve already talked about, my hands are essentially tied on this matter.  Which really sucks, because the Cool Thing is really cool.

N.P.: “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)” – 3TEETH

Dallas Police Chief U. Renee Hall told the ingrates in City Hall that they could kiss her dimpled ass and police their own incompetent selves going forward.  Chief Hall became the second history-making black female police chief to quit in disgust this summer.  Seattle Police Chief Carmen Best told Seattle’s idiot mayor to eat dicks in August.  So that’s two incredibly successful black women whose careers have been destroyed in the name of…well, you tell me.  Racism?  George Floyd?  BLM™?  Guilty white suburbanites, using their Uggs to stamp out systemic racism, one black life at a time.
And oh…this just in: Rochester Police Chief La’Ron Singletary told his idiot mayor to pucker up, because, like a great man once said, “there is some shit we will not eat.”  He’s also talking his entire senior command staff with him.
I would have taken it a step further and immediately released any and all criminals who had been arrested, convicted, or incarcerated whilst I was chief.  Seems fair.  [Yeah, I know…of course the police chief doesn’t have the juice to just free convicted felons, but I still would have said I was gonna do it in the press conference. One last little fuck you to mayor who seems to honestly think that life in her city will magically improve hugely just as soon as they get rid of all those gosh darn police.
Cretin.

N.P.: “The Ecstasy of Gold (Live)” – Metallica, San Francisco Symphony

In celebration of Labor Day, I didn’t do shit today.  But the holiday is technically over at this point, so I’ll get some writing done tonight.  Still too hot to go anywhere anyway…only getting down to 94 tonight.  Wretched fucking desert.
I haven’t been in the best mood lately, dear reader.  Then again, no one has.  Anyone over the age of 5 in this country who isn’t in a shit mood all the time is either delusional or a goddamn spy.  But yeah…I’ve got The Angst.  Nothing to worry about, of course…it will dissipate soon.  Fall starts two weeks from today, finally, thank Christ.  Which doesn’t mean much in and of itself…but The Rain will soon follow.

N.P.: “The Vanishing of Peter Strong” – Yello

Anhedonia in general and Fecal Creek in particular are in the throes of a simply hateful sunstorm, dear reader, so there’s not a hell of a lot going on around here right now.  Whiskey and wings, of course, but even they seemed more subdued than usual.  The sun set a bit ago and it is still 115 outside.  It’s only supposed to cool down to about 92 tonight, and then more fiery wretchedness tomorrow.  The air quality is disastrous, the populace is swimming with disease, and there are idiots everywhere.  I may finally leave the house again around Halloween.  Maybe November.

N.P.: “TOS2020 – Single Version” – ReMission International

Anytime any governor or federal office holder advocates gun control laws, repealing the 2nd Amendment, banning certain types of guns, or defunding the police, know that they are doing so while having a private police detail (state or federal officers) armed with the same type of weapons they are trying to ban protecting them and their families 24 hour a day.
The idiots in Seattle who voted to defund the police and worked those officers who haven’t quit into complete physical and psychological exhaustion, must now try to figure out how to police a city without any police.  So they hired rent-a-cops.  The job was simple: keep people out of Cal Anderson Park from 8pm to 6am.  Ya know…work the police used to do.  So the owner of the company and two of his armed security guards showed up at 8:00 to do the job, and by 8:03 they were back in their cars on the way home for the night.  “Fuck that,” the owner was reported to have said, “As soon as we entered that park they started verbally attacking us…calling us all kinds of names like ‘sellouts’ and [telling us] what they would do to us.”
Well, hell…I guess getting somebody else to police the community isn’t going to be quite as easy as we’d hoped.
In other cities where soon-to-be out-of work politicians have chosen to defund the police, the mayors (who typically do not have 24-hour police protection) have been forced to flee the mob and abandon their homes.  No shit.  Ted Wheeler, moron and mayor of Portland, fled from his condo in the middle of the night, when most of the mob had fallen asleep and their torches had dimmed and gone out.  The mayor and idiot of St. Louis Lyda Krewson resorted to wearing Groucho glasses-and-mustache as she was hustled out of her Central West End house last Wednesday.  In Chicago, in a show of perhaps the most blatant and egregious hypocrisy yet seen in this Summer of Bullshit, Lori Lightfoot decided she was not going to flee, so she had the city’s 5 remaining cops assigned to her street.
It’s weird…at first one could almost feel sorry for the people who put this idiot in office…they didn’t know the mayor would actually have to deal with an actual crisis and that she would totally screw the pooch in every possible position.  But it will be difficult to maintain that sympathy if they keep these incompetents around for further terms.

N.P.: “The Bottom Line – (12 Inch Remix)[Edit Version]” – Big Audio Dynamite, Rick Rubin

Okay, here’s what really upsets me about the prairie lady putting beets in the brownies: at some point, when someone is sharing a recipe with you that calls for putting something inappropriate into something that has been literally perfect (brownies in this case) for tens of thousands of years (well, okay, at least a hundred years), one must ask, “who the hell came up with this?  How did this come to be?”  And there is simply no way of getting around the fact that at some point, so jackass looked at a whole big thing of freshly baked brownies and said, “These could be better.”  Which is somewhere between treason and blasphemy.  But who the hell…okay, so you idiotically decide that brownies can be improved upon, what ingredient would you attempt to add?  Chocolate chips?  Makes sense.  Gummy bears?  Maybe.  Pour maple syrup and whiskey on the brownies?  Bold, but plausible.  Questionable, but reasonable.  Anyone who would think “beets!” is depraved and possibly psychotic.

N.P.: “The Crunch” – The Rah Band

Got a lot done today.  Took a break to yell at that goddamn Pioneer Lady that puts butter in absolutely everything.  I’m fine with that, but it’s the other weird shit she occasionally comes up with that I can’t abide, and today was egregious: bish put beets in the brownies.  Beets!  Okay, for starters, nobody likes beets.  But even the few perverts that might actually admit to liking beets would not approve of just putting beets in random foods willy-nilly, with gastronomic impunity.  But then, as I’m cussing her out, she makes that fatal mistake that so many women make when you started raising hell about putting bullshit in the brownies: she said, “You won’t even taste them.”  Then don’t fuckin’ put ’em there!  Beets.  Jesus.
This culinary atrocity caused me to hit the whiskey a tad early, just to cope, which led to a discussion about me doing a cooking show.  You know, on the YouTubes or whatever.  It would just be me getting drunk and cooking and not putting goddamn beets into anything.

N.P.: “Ratfinks, Suicide Tanks and Cannibal Girls” – White Zombie

Police chiefs and police unions continue to show the “leaders” of the municipalities they serve(d) their favorite fingers, and it’s about time.  I would have resigned months ago.  Before Seattle Police Chief Carmen Best.  Remember her?  The first black woman to lead Seattle’s police force.  Quit in disgust after she first wasn’t allowed to do her job in preventing that stupid CHAZ™ zone from being set up, and then was thanked with a $40K pay cut.  BLM™ claims another black victim.
In a discussion today, I asked the person I was talking to name me one black person whose life or situation has been improved because of BLM™.  Just one.  He couldn’t.  Because the list of black lives that have been destroyed by BLM™ is lengthy.  And growing day by day.
In the meantime, the idiot mayor of Seattle, Jenny Durkan, continues to beg the courts to please oh please stop the recall effort against her.  They won’t.  And the betrayed and beleaguered citizens of Seattle will submit signatures far in excess of the 50K needed to kick her moronic and cowardly ass out of office.

N.P.: “Please Don’t Touch (feat. Motorhead)” – Girlschool

The incompetence of Governor of Oregon Kate Brown has reached criminal levels.  Dereliction of duty directly resulting in death or serious injury.  Gross criminal negligence resulting in damages exceeding $1 million.
For the first time in American history, public safety (government’s prime directive) has become a political issue which many politicians  seem not to support.  The reason that it’s the first time is because in the past, elected officials seemed to have the self-preservative intellectual wherewithal to predict that if they allowed their entire constituency to be burned and looted by specifically telling the police to stand down instead of protecting their citizenry, not only will they not be reelected, but they could well end up behind bars.  But many of the mayors’ and governors’ offices in many parts of the United States are occupied by incompetent cowards these days.  But even they, now that their cities have been looted and burned down, are figuring out that an neglected electorate that just lost everything is likely not going to reelect the same incompetent coward that just stood by on TV for the last three months blathering bullshit racist slogans as their cities burned.
Which is what happened in Oregon late last week, when Gov. Brown was looking out at the smoldering ruins of Portland and saw a BLM™ “protester” brazenly execute a man in the middle of one of her streets over his political views.  One imagines this idiot slapping herself on the forehead and said, “Oh fuck…it’s an election year.  This isn’t going to read well.  I’d better come up with a plan.”  So she came up with a perfectly ridiculous plan that was based on local cops from non-Portland jurisdictions, state police, and unnamed federal resources coming to Portland to (presumably) get hit with bricks and set on fire and not be allowed to act, thus freeing up the beleaguered Portland PD to work on all the reports and investigations.  Or something like that.  These resources would give Portland PD “the investigative capacity to arrest and charge those individuals who have engaged in violent or destructive acts and endangered public safety.”
So on Sunday, Gov Brown revealed her dumb ass plan.  In her incompetence, however, she neglected to contact (let alone ask) any of the parties she was asking for help.  And these parties were very quick to tell the Governor where she could stick her 6-point plan.  Sheriff Pat Garrett of Washington County issued a beautiful statement: “At this time, I do not plan to send deputies to work directly in Portland.  [Portland PD] is a terrific partner and I am very sympathetic to what they are enduring.  However, the lack of political support for public safety, the uncertain legal landscape, the current volatility combined with intense scrutiny on use of force presents an unacceptable risk if deputies were deployed directly.”
Clackamas County Sheriff Craig Roberts commented the next day, expressing displeasure at the fact that the Governor hadn’t bothered to actually ask any of the police chiefs for help.  He then made it clear he had no plans to send any of his personnel to the Portland: “Had Governor Brown discussed her plan with my office, I would have told her it’s about changing policy, not adding resources.  Increasing law enforcement resources in Portland will not solve the nightly violence and now, murder.”  He then took issue with Portland;s newly elected idiot district attorney and his failure to do his job, which is to prosecute criminals. “The same offenders are arrested night after night, only to be released by the court and not charged with a crime by the DA’s office.  The next night, they’re back at it, endangering the lives of law enforcement and the community all over again.  The criminal justice system will need to do its part and hold offenders accountable.”
A Greshem police spokesperson said, “We are in agreement with the other agencies.”
Upon learning that there was no cavalry willing to come bail her out of her mess, Governor Brown’s issued a moronic statement saying that the Governor’s dumb ass plan is “meant to allow for this type of flexibility in supporting each other as we all collectively deal with the difficult situation in Portland.”
Only an idiot would find the situation in Portland difficult.  The situation in Portland is incredibly simple and could be rectified before the next sunrise if even slightly competent people were in charge and law enforcement was allowed to do their jobs.
It’s no secret I don’t have a lot of respect for the State of Oregon.  And the people there are the sort of people that seem to happy continually reelecting the sort of constrictive government that won’t even allow people to pump their own gas.  But there must be a tipping point even for you pitiful hippies when you finally plant your Birkenstocken on the ground where your shitty apartment used to stand until it was burned down and declare that there is some shit even you won’t eat.  But maybe not.  Maybe you like it.  You put up with it.  I wouldn’t be surprised at this point.  This entire wretched summer has been composed of me in shocked disbelief at the complete dearth of either spinal cord or testicles in many of my fellow Americans.
I know pretty much everybody in Fecal Creek spent the summer buying guns, stocking up on whiskey and ammunition, and getting unholy criminal defense attorneys on retainer.  And pumping our own gas.  My people.

N.P.: “Just Came Back” – Colin James