Monthly Archives: May 2020

I so hope the lockdown never ends: literally everything is better when the extroverts are confined to their weird dwellings.  The world is quieter.  The air smells better.  We’re not forced to listen to the inane blathering of The Herd

Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle…it was an ether/oar situation.
Okay, sorry…that was bad.

Word count is up.  Started this whole new section on the slasher novel.  I gotta say, if you’re a writer that’s at all “edgy” and you occasionally write something that you’re really on the fence about publishing because it may be Over The Line and bring the villagers marching to the castle gates with their torches and pitchforks, it’s extremely convenient to have a murder novel in progress that you can just drop weird shit into and have it fit perfectly.

N.P.: “Apocalyptical” – Puscifer

I went to the gas station and it occurred to me that I hadn’t been there since March.  I almost had to think about what I was doing.  It was weird.  The price of gas has dropped quite a bit.  And there was nobody else there.  All in all, a fine visit to the gas station.

Got a cheap new mic to use for dictation.  It’s pretty cool…I can pace around the room wearing a wireless headset and mic, and just kind of talk my book, and watch the words roll out on a large monitor on the wall.  This works really well for me.  This process of writing this way is really close to what it’s like recording music: you sing into a mic, your voice is digitized, and then you can edit and manipulate it on the screen using a mouse and keyboard.  To that end, I’ve now combined the writing studio and the recording studio in one room.   I’ve been spending a lot of time in that room.  I really like that room.

N.P.: “When the Shit Hits the Fan” – Circle Jerks

An Ohio woman has been arrested for calling 911 because her “pussy was on fire.”  Indeed.  It seems Katrina Morgan, 50, got The Itch over the weekend and placed a call to the Port Clinton Police Department and asked if their “hose is working” and if so, could someone please bring it on out to the house: “I need somebody to come put it out with their hose.”
So the police department did oblige, natch, but rather than using their hose to put out any crotchfires, they simply arrested Miss Morgan.  As one might expect, said arrest did not go smoothly.  In fact, Miss Morgan refused to comply and began shouting at the officer.  She resisted getting in the back of the police car until the officer called her “a foul and perverted beast” and threatened her with a good tasing.  “You think you’re pussy’s on fire now, just wait til I light you up with this thing.”
Miss Morgan became compliant.
Numerous empty booze bottles were found inside the residence and other guests stated their were all drinking and Miss Morgan was “drunker than shit.”

N.P.: “Pure Pleasure Seeker” – Moloko

Big breakthrough, dear reader…record number of words down in the last 24 hours. We are pleased.

N.P.: “Send/Receive (Mind)” – Wand

The only real writing I’ve done so far is a bunch of bitching into my journal.  I have some hope for one of the books this evening.  We shall see.

I read an account of what it’s like to be stung by a murder hornet.  We really need to destroy these things posthaste.

N.P.: “Are Friends Electric?” – The Dead Weather

Well Jesus, dear reader, as if there wasn’t enough for us to worry about…now there are reports that murder hornets from Asia have arrived on our shores.  According to the Times, this wretched pestilence must be stopped in the next few months or else it is here to stay.
Apparently these goddamn things get up to 2 inches long and as of this week were found for the first time in the United States, specifically in the state of Washington.
Fun fact: in Japan the hornets kill up to 50 people a year according to the New York Times.  Yeah. And that’s not all: murder hornets can wipe out entire bee colonies within hours their stingers are long enough to penetrate puncture be keeping suits also according to the times.
The Times went on to say that the hornet has a distinctive look with eyes that are “teardrop shaped like Spiderman, with orange and black stripes that extend down its body like a tiger.”
Murder hornets, dear reader! Murder hornets! Jesus! What are we going to expect to deal with next?
These evil things have shown up in Bellingham, Washington. I’ve spent time in Bellingham, Washington: it’s an amazing place, with amazing people. Why should they have to deal with the murder hornets? Who dumped murder hornets in Bellingham?  This is outrageous.
N.P.: “Ain’t No Way” – Robin Loxley, Jay Hawke

All commercials have become the same  (even more the same than they might have been before): open with dramatically slow but vaguely hopeful piano music, then a voice over: “in these _______ [trying, uncertain, difficult, unprecedented, et cetera] times, it’s important to remember _______ [“the most important thing…is family,” “we need each other…” “everybody is worried, everybody is scared,” et cetera]. 
Which is fine.  Whatever.  But what really bugs me is the inevitable conclusion of these ads. I do wish corporate entities would stop telling me that we are “in this together“. Look, you were in this, and I am in this, but that does not mean that we are in this together. Save it.  Anybody continually insisting that “we’re in this together” is likely someone getting ready to ask for toilet paper.  

N.P.: “The Still” – Esoterica

I was listening to a recent recording of Queen with Adam Lambert on the vocals. I know that this has been going on for a while now, this whole Queen and Amber Adam Lambert thing. And I haven’t really developed an opinion about it. On the one hand, part of me thinks Queen should have ended officially once Freddie Mercury died. But I don’t think the remaining members of Queen are in any way attempting to replace Freddie Mercury: they know that is impossible. And they aren’t recording new music as Queen, thank Christ.  I think that maybe Brian May And Roger Taylor want to continue to perform live as Queen playing Queen music, the music that they helped write and create. And I think to do that they had to have somebody singing lead vocals. And for that purpose Adam Lambert is fine. He can hit the notes.  Into everyone’s credit, they are billing them selves as “Queen + Adam Lambert.”
I ask myself, “Would I go to see this ensemble perform live?” and I absolutely would, just to see Brian May and Roger Taylor play. I did get to see Brian play live when he opened for Guns’n’Roses on the Use Your Illusions tour. And it was amazing.  Being able to say that I have seen Brian may play his solos from both We Will Rock You and Bohemian Rhapsody makes my aorta wiggle.
 
I can understand Brian May’s and Roger Taylor’s perspective. It is reasonable.  But I can also understand John Deacon’s perspective: John Deacon let it be known that he is retired with a capital R. He is done with Queen, he is done performing live, and he is done with music. Which, good for him.  He was wildly successful as a founding member of one of the greatest rock bands of all time, and then he was finished.  I can respect that.  I can also respect Brian and Roger wanting to continue to play live.  And I can respect Adam Lambert for taking the gig: if you’re a singer, and the surviving members of Queen call and ask you to be the new front man, you don’t say no.  
But it doesn’t work for me, the Queen + Adam Lambert thing.  They sound great, but it’s just not the same, and I want the same.

Tomorrow is Saturday, which of course means Whiskey, Wings, and Writing.  I’d invite you over, dear reader, but, you know…quarantine and all that.  But I shall cheers you as I sit down to do battle with the literary gods.  You shall be cheersed.

N.P.: “Radical” – AWOLNATION