Lazy Dog Restaurant & Bar™ has shit wings.  If I teach you only one thing today, let it be this:  Lazy Dog has shit wings.  Absolute garbage.  They were far more reptilian than avian, and I’m not being hyperbolic: the last piece of meat that I gnawed on for over a half-an-hour before giving up due to a general lack of noticeable progress and complete mandibular exhaustion was alligator. On a stick.  I would have had easier time eating the stick.  [It was so weird, dear reader…a week after the gator incident (which took place at a Bayou by the Bay Food & Music Orgy), I found myself having a Saturday lunch at a high-end restaurant in downtown SF, just north of Market, and the special that day was crocodile.  But it was ground crocodile, served in sort of mini-meatball form, so the chewiness wasn’t an issue, and I remember I thought it tasted great.  I also remember I was heroically drunk, so anything I was eating I thought tasted great, regardless of reality.  One of the people I was having lunch with seemed surprised that I (or anyone, for that matter) would order crocodile for lunch, and I slammed down my whiskey (just to emphasize the state of things) and said, “Ha…last week, I ate alligator.  On a steek.”  I then held forth for the better part of an hour about how I enjoyed eating things that would otherwise eat me, that I preferred to feed on apex predators.  Somebody asked why that was, and then I launched into my whole spiel about how a vegetarian once tried to scare me vegan by telling me that you inherit the dreams of the animals you eat, which instead of having the intended effect only served to increase my intake of animal flesh…I just started eating cooler animals.  Shark and swordfish began making regular appearances on the menu, plus the prenominate dinosaurs…I don’t remember what else.  I then discovered that no one at the table was an ardent fan of Highlander because they all blatantly tuned out during the next part of my oratory, which was completely Highlander-intensive.  I expounded drunkenly about The Quickening and how there can be only one and the whole deal, but I’d lost them.  I ended up going out on the fire escape for a little air and witnessing a car theft.]  Anyway, don’t eat the wings at Lazy Dog: they’re shit.

N.P.: “Every 1’s a Winner – 12″ Version” – Hot Chocolate