I was complimented earlier in the week for being “so well put together” for being someone so constantly stressed and under pressure.  She wanted to know how I do it.  I thanked her for the compliment but told her honestly: “However well I may appear to be ‘put together,’ it’s a total illusion.  The truth is my nerves are completely shot.  Every single day I wake up and wonder if I’ll get through the entire day, or is this when the breakdown finally happens.”  We talked for a while longer, and in the end, I decided it might be beneficial to start letting my physical appearance better reflect what’s going on in the other side of these eyes.
So I went to the drugstore and bought a pack of Dunhills.  I don’t smoke and I’m not about to start.  I’m just going to start showing up on video calls with an unlit cigarette hanging limply out of the corner of my mouth, wearing sunglasses constantly, regardless of time of day or setting.

N.P.: “Thunder on the Mountain” – Wanda Jackson