I filed a cease and desist order with the sun today.  It is in clear violation of the calendar and is hereby officially demanded to fuck off.  Life in the Anhedonia Valley is wretched and miserable enough without some huge carcinogenic star overstaying its welcome in our sky.  I showed the moon my favorite finger today too.  Yeah.  Today.  Like at 12:30.  There’s the fucking moon, hanging there like it’s confused or lost in the northwestern sky.  Fuck off back to the night, ya stupid moon.  Nobody asked you to work a double.  Your only purpose is to reflect the sunlight when it’s nighttime in this hemisphere so that our cave-dwelling ancestors didn’t kill themselves when they got up in the middle of the prehistoric night to pee.  And we have subsequently harnessed electricity to use very effectively in those cases, but right at the very moment I was giving the moon the finger, we certainly didn’t need anything reflecting the sun because the sun was right there, screaming radiation down on us and giving everybody cancer.  As my friend Buzz Aldrin told the moon after he walked on its face: “You have no business in the day.”

I can forgive the moon.  But the sun is just an asshole.

N.P.: “Put It on the Line” – The Heavy