Perhaps the Academy should not worry so much about catering pathetically to the fragile masses and finding the most innocuous, uninteresting host possible, and focus instead on finding someone who’s willing to watch their stupid award show.
Nobody watches these things anymore.  All of the award shows’ viewership numbers have been steadily trending down and to the right for the last 10 years, most precipitously in the last three.  Down double-digit percentages in some cases.  And they just keep making it lamer every year.  A sterile, humorless host introducing dull and underwhelming acts.  And this year I’m sure they’ll continue to get the ratings they deserve.
What they need to do is invite Guns n’ Roses, and get Axl and Slash shithouse drunk in the limo on the way over.  And then give them an award.  Doesn’t matter what award…just make something up.  Whatever.  Just get them up on stage whilst six sheets to say a bunch of fuck words and hurl slurs at the Hollywood elite.  God yes.  That used to happen all the time.  And I used to watch a lot more award shows.

N.P.: “Kill Your Darlings” – Mesh