Why don’t they play baseball in China?
Because they keep eating the fucking bat.

N.P.: “X’S FACE” – Prince

It’s funny to me that at this point in my life, I’m still almost daily having these revelations of just how different I am from the members of The Herd.  Someone was sort of checking on me last night, asking about suicide, which I dismissed out of hand.  It then occurred to me that I have been less depressed for the last few weeks than I have been in more than a decade.  Seriously.  Suicide hotlines are reporting a 15% uptick in business, and I’m happy as a Hindu locked in a vegetarian buffet.  No need to leave the house, nobody comes over, no noisy cars on the street, and if I do go anywhere, there’s no traffic any time of day, parking right up front any time of day, and everybody stays way the hell away from me.  These are magical times, dear reader.  I am no fan of The Virus, and I don’t like having to worry about people all the time, but these distancing measures…I wish they didn’t have to end.

N.P.: “Mojo (feat. Rahzel & Dan the Atomator)” – Peeping Tom

Saw some pretty awful video out of China today.  I can’t verify its authenticity, so I won’t post it, but it looks legitimate to me, and the source is trustworthy.  If it is, the timeline will have gone something like this: the virus starts in Wuhan when a communist eats an under-cooked bat for Christmas.  Of course, the communists don’t celebrate Christmas, so the timing is just a coincidence.  The virus instantly begins to spread with alarming rapidity.  Chinese doctors sound the alarm.  Those doctors are either arrested or killed by the government.  But the word is out, so China responds to all inquiries by downplaying the virus, stating explicitly there have been no instances of human-to-human spreading.  The first reported death is January 11.  The government continues to attempt to downplay everything for another week or so, but the virus is spreading far more rapidly than expected, so on January 23, the government locks down the entire city of Wuhan, which is over 11 million people.  The world praises China’s draconian actions, meanwhile more doctors are arrested and “disappeared,” and for the next two weeks, much of China’s massive army is deployed domestically, with soldiers going door to door and forcibly taking everyone’s temperature.  Any household found to have a member with a temperature is literally welded shut, leaving the occupants trapped and left for dead.  Reporting of this gets out.  So China expels all American journalists on March 16.  The government immediately stops testing for coronavirus.  A few days later, the government announces that there are suddenly no new cases of coronavirus and declares victory of the virus.  Anecdotal reporting by Chinese dissidents indicates as many as 90,000 cases had already overrun Wuhan hospitals by mid-January, and video surfaces allegedly showing corpses stacked in the hallways of hospitals.  Though China continues to report no new cases, the Wuhan lockdown failed to contain the virus, and now many of the larger coastal cities of China are being absolutely ravaged.  At the end of march, squads of government agents appear in the affected cities, wearing hazmat suites and armed with rifles, going door to door executing the sick.  Within 72 hours, the virus has been effectively eliminated.  China then sends millions of masks and assorted other PPE to the United States and other countries throughout the world (since they won’t be needing them any more).  On April 7, yesterday, China lifts the lockdown on Wuhan.
I’m guessing it will be quite some time before American journalists are allowed to return.

N.P.: “Off” – Diorama

Good evening, most allegiant reader…
Another day of Elysium.  The extroverts in the neighborhood attempted some sort of weird uprising by trying to get the other extroverts to come out of their hovels and dance in the driveway for 5 minutes at 10:00.  Yeah.  They taped a shitily-done invitation on the mailboxes.  So, first of all, no one did it, because it’s fucking stupid.  Second of all, it’s just fucking stupid.  But it is a good measure of the rather pathetic and desperate measures they’ll go to to feel some kind of connection, some sense of community.
I’ll confess, the longer this goes on, the more I’m going to resent it when it stops.  I’ve heard some of the wiser talking heads discussing how many of the distancing behaviors will really need to become permanent.  They are, of course, absolutely correct, but I’m afraid it will not come to pass.  Ten minutes after The Order is lifted, The Herd will flock right back into one another’s disease vectors, compulsively touching each other, Which, of course, will return everything suddenly back toward The Way It Used To Be:  Thirty minutes after The Order is lifted, the first post-virus shooting or bombing will happen.  And about 24-36 hours after that, people will start showing up at hospitals sick again, and the Second Wave of The Virus will be confirmed.  The Orders will be reinstated, but The Herd won’t be as compliant this time around.  And that’s when…ah…ne’mind, dear reader.  You’ve got enough to worry about with the present goings-on.
Stay well.

N.P.: “Bug Powder Dust” – Bomb the Bass

I reread “Masque of the Red Death” last night.  First time I’ve read it during an actual pandemic (former lives don’t count), which gave it a new…urgency, I guess.  Maybe just relevancy?  I’m not sure, but it was an interesting experience which I highly recommend.
I’d also like to dig out DeFoe’s “A Journal of the Plague Year.”  It’s been about 10 years since I read it last…that’s always a great read, but I suspect it will have new poignancy this time ’round.

N.P.: “Secret Separation” – The Fixx

Laziest day I’ve had in a while, dear reader.  Unsure why.  I may have overdone it with the benadryl last night.  May have overdone a few things last night.  Anyway, whiskey and wings this afternoon, but virtually no writing.  But it’s still early.   We’ll see.  At least there is rain.

N.P.: “Flatline” – Hyper

What’s happening, dear reader?  I hope you are well.  I continue to be happier than a pig in shit with the isolation and social distancing.  Absolutely magical.  Please don’t mistake my enthusiasm as any kind of endorsement of or failure to take seriously The Virus.  It is truly horrible and needs to fuck off as soon as.  I’m just talking about the new societal measures.  It’s amusing how wonderful the extroverts are so long as they live in an extroverted world.  But a couple days in an introverted world and they just go to bits.  I wonder if the discomfort they feel in our world is at all similar to what we have to endure living in their world, decade after decade.
Anyway, I hope everybody’s okay.

N.P.: “Trauma Team” – Vector Seven

I’m laying off my usual nonsense today to take a little Pause for the Cause and say thank you to nurses.  Their calling is one of the most difficult even in the best of times, and now they are being called upon like never before to basically save humanity.  And they are answering that call selflessly and (in my humble opinion) heroically.  And they have my unending gratitude and respect.

N.P.: “One Vision” – Queen