Well, I was wrong…we’re not going to have much time tonight either, most attractive reader. The Virus isn’t bothering me, but the Herd’s response is causing me some degree of inconvenience, which I resent. So while I do take it (the Virus) seriously, there is only so much one can do, and panicking will not help anything. Perhaps the best thing one can do at this point in this (or any other crisis where individuals are fairly helpless to change anything) is to drink whiskey and try to find the humor in the absurdity of the situation. Rather than join the Panicking Public in their hyperventilation and fear, I hope you’ll join me until this thing has run its course and we can giggle our way drunkenly through the pandemic. We can finally literally be The Cackling Bastards of the Apocalypse. And as the extroverts who have promulgated this stupid disease empty the streets and retreat to cower in their suburban hovels and try to figure out what the hell to do without professional sports, we’ll have the run of the place. These are potentially good times for us, dear reader. Fear not.

N.P.: “Rats” – Ghost

I wrote all day, dear reader, and even had something for you here, tonight, but it wasn’t quite finished, and when I was going to finish it, I got called away to deal with some other, more pressing things. Which is fine. But it also means I’m just checking in with you tonight. Hope you’re doing well. Meet me back here tomorrow and hopefully we’ll have a little more time together then.

N.P.: “Blue Monday” – Orgy

Extroverts have been pissing me off, lately. Rather than go off on some rant about the individual egregious social transgressions I’ve been subjected to recently, allow me to just point out that if the world was populated by introverts, coronavirus (and virtually all other communicable diseases) would never get much beyond wherever they originated. The governments of the world are ordering/recommending “social distancing,” which we introverts invented. Which would make it an “introvention.” Get it? Never mind. Okay. Stay away from each other, ferchrissake. All extroverts are swimming with disease.

N.P.: “Huggin & Kissin – This Be The Verse Remix” – Big Black Delta

So there’s the decent-money project that’s taking most of my time these days, dear reader, but I’m still trying to make time for the books. Kinda have to for my mental health…otherwise I’m going to start feeling uncomfortably like a hamster on a wheel. And that’s usually when things start to dangerously sideways.

N.P.: “Fuck Everything” – Euringer, Chantal Claret

After an all-too-brief, was-it-ever-even-actually-here winter, and now that the Moronic Powers That Be have had their annual way with the fucking clocks, my time of year has ended. At least what was supposed to be the really good part. Temperatures have already been too warm, but they won’t get truly punishing until after Cinco de Mayo. But still, this winter didn’t even move my needle. Pthththt. Fuck this stupid desert. And for the record, I find eating dinner while the sun is out to be perverse. In the most unpleasant sense of the word.
Jesus. There is still light in the sky. And it’s just going to get worse and worse until June 21. This planet is so tedious.

N.P.: “The Radiance of All That Shines” – PORN, Fragrance

After the revolution, on my first day in office as President, or Sexy and Benevolent Leader, or Illustrious Potentate, or whatever of the United States, I will outlaw the observance of Daylight Saving Time.   A recent poll of random adults at the bar waiting for a table at Red Lobster in northern California revealed that 90% of all Americans think daylight saving time is an outdated and pointless exercise in arbitrary adherence to tradition.  The other 10% are idiotic twats. I have never understood how so many allegedly intelligent, free-thinking people could be so-easily convinced to do something so fundamentally silly.  For four decades now, I’ve been listening to people embarrass themselves trying to explain their adherence to this absurdity, patiently enduring their assaults on logic and reason as they slowly reveal that they themselves don’t really understand this nonsense either.   There seem to be three basic arguments these pedants of chronology employ.  to wit:  

1. Benjamin Goddamit Franklin, may God rest his sweet, patriotic soul, invented daylight saving time just like he invented electricity and he was obviously a genius and how dare you or any other non-genius fuck with Uncle Ben’s ideas.   They didn’t put your ugly ass on the hundred dollar bill now, did they?  Alright, look…you need to remember a couple of things.  Absolutely, Ben Franklin was a genius.  A great many of his inventions propelled America and mankind into the future that we enjoy today.  However, Ben Franklin lived in a world without electric light and climate control.  His nights were lit solely by candles and oil lamps, and even though his idea of shifting the clock around was pretty clearly meant as a joke, and he had likely been into his cups when he wrote this letter, it did make some bit of sense then to suggest that opening business an hour earlier during certain months of the year would reduce candle usage. American businesses haven’t relied on candlelight or oil lamps in more than a century.  Even candle shops now use electric light and computers.  The position of the sun no longer has anything to do with when we can and cannot work, play, cook, read, et cetera.   If B.F. were alive today, I suspect he would want to pimp-slap all those who have mindlessly remained allegiant to daylight saving time.  He invented his stove to more efficiently heat houses: he would certainly acknowledge that central heating and air is a vastly more safe and effective method of climate control, and would likely insist on having it in his house.
2. It will save energy and money.  Poppycock.  Patently untrue.  In fact, the exact opposite holds true: hundreds of millions of dollars are lost every year due to employees arriving late for work, conference calls and meeting missed, and overall productivity lost.  Doctors tell us that dicking around with the clock and one’s sleep schedule increases the chances of heart attack significantly, leading to hundreds of millions of more dollars lost in medical expenses.  Sleep loss, the disruption of the Circadian rhythm, greater susceptibility to illness…all of things lead to lost productivity, lost money, and ultimately increased energy resources. And having citizens in the work force arrive home at the hottest part of the day ends up using significantly more energy than would be used otherwise.  Just ask Arizona.  They ignore DST (as does Hawaii) and they do just fine.  In fact, neither of those states have nearly the same number of rolling blackouts during the summer as California does.  We have them regularly throughout the summer, during DSL.  There has never been a rolling blackout during Standard Time.
3. The farmers need daylight saving time to order to harvest their crops and get all their work done during the summer.  I can’t even begin to understand this one.  And I think that’s because this one falls in to the very strange category of many of the other lines of rationale I’ve heard to justify the menace of DST: people seem to actually think that DST adds an hour of time to the day.  Like we ACTUALLY get an extra hour of daylight or the days are ACTUALLY an hour longer than they would be during Standard Time.  To these poor souls I can say only that I will include you in my nightly prayers and hope that you aren’t a registered voter.  Farmers go to work when the sun comes up, and they don’t spend the day watching the clock, waiting for 5 o’clock so they can knock off.  Hell no.  They quit work when it’s so dark they can’t see what they’re doing.  They don’t give the slightest of damns if you insist it’s 5:00pm or midnight: just stay out of their way.

The practice of hourly timekeeping only began in the United States once train travel began: people needed to know when the hell they needed to be at the station to catch their train.  Fair enough.  And today’s world is governed by the clock.  Fine.  But let’s just settle on what time it is and then leave it that way.    

N.P.: “Heirate Mich” – Rammstein

We don’t usually talk politics around here, usually because the topic tends to be tedious. So I may never have told you that I am a pretty hardcore libertarian. That said, there are tenets of libertarianism with which I do not agree. People who are in lockstep with every one of their political party’s talking points make me nervous. But I tend to tick more boxes with libertarianism than the other political parties, and I very much agree with their overarching philosophy of minimal government. I appreciate the government being their protecting the borders from foreign invaders, but I resent the shit out any governmental intrusion into my personal life.
So great, I’m a libertarian. But in California, we are limited to voting only for our declared party’s candidates in primary elections. Which is problematic. Because by and large, anyone on the ticket as a libertarian is a fucking crazy person.
I remember the first year I had to vote on the libertarian ticket, the front runner in the presidential election was someone who’s primary concern in the survival of the United States was the legalization of the domesticated ferret. And that dude ran repeatedly for several presidential election.
On the 2020 ballot, there are roughly 183 candidates on the libertarian ticket, and I’m pretty sure they’re all nuts. One name that simply leaps from the mer de noms is Vermin Supreme, and yes…get ready for Vermin. According to Wikipedia, Vermin Love Supreme is “an American performance artist and activist who has run as a candidate in various local, state, and national elections in the United States [and presumably won none of them]. Supreme is known for wearing a boot as a hat and carrying a large toothbrush, and has said that if elected President of the United States, he will pass a law requiring people to brush their teeth. He has campaigned on a platform of zombie apocalypse awareness and time travel research, and promised a free pony for every American.” Yeah. So while I’m not going to be changing my political affiliation any time soon, I just want it noted that it is not easy to be a libertarian in primary season.

N.P.: “Razor Sharp” – Collide

If today was a movie, I probably would have walked out in the middle of the second act. Unfortunately, it was not a movie, so I was just kinda stuck there until the end.

N.P.: “Gratitude” – Oingo Boingo

I had high hopes for the writing today, dear reader…but then a bunch of life happened. Let us hope for tomorrow.

N.P.: “Wish You Were Here” – Incubus

Today and always.