A very happy birthday to Hayden McCabe, webmaster of this very site and all around hell of a guy.

Tooth pain is the worst.  Even if it’s not the searing, blinding sort – even if it’s hovering around 3-4 out of 10 – it’s just insidious.  It makes it almost impossible to concentrate.  So you go to the dentist and she prescribes you something for the pain but that makes you sleepy.  That combined with the relatively sleepless night caused by the pain leaves one walking around like a rather grouchy zombie.

Sucks.

296

N.P.: “Aisha” – Death in Vegas

What’s crackin’, dearest reader?  There’s a lot going on over here.  As you may or may not know, I’ve been writing away for a very long time on who knows how many different projects, most seeming to have very little to do with any of the others.  The result has been a disorganized shamble of a monstrosity of a digital vault.  Despite the variety of ideas, there hasn’t been any idea that jumped out and grabbed me by the throat and said, “You must finish me immediately and unleash me upon the world.”  Nothing has cried out to be unleashed.  In fact, dealing with this has been more like having to take a few dozen ornery dogs for a walk every evening: after a while, just another chore.

But one project has made itself known as What I’m Supposed To Do Next.  it didn’t grab me by the throat…it didn’t have to.  It was more like a knowing look across a very crowded room.
Recognition.

So tomorrow I’m beginning 100 days of compiling, composing, filling in, taking out, and likely just thrashing the hell out of this thing and turning it into a book.  The 100 days after that will be dedicated to selling the thing, completing and editing it, as well as beginning production on a companion podcast for the book.  Which could be very interesting since I’m considering publishing the book anonymously (there are reasons), but obviously the podcast would be anything but.  Even if I did publish it anonymously, I would be outed within a few weeks.  But it could be fun.  We’ll see.  I can’t tell you what the next 100 days after that will be spent doing…at least not yet.  But at the end of that, when I wake up on that 300th day, June 4, 2019, I’m going to open my eyes and look around.  If I like what I see, then we’ll continue on.  And if I don’t, I’m going to Fuck Off.  Disappear.  Maybe go back down to Tijuana, get a room at Adelita’s, and pickle my guts on bogus tequila and street meats until I die of either parasites and cirrhosis  or in a shootout with the Federales in a huge blaze of bullshit.

Either way, it should be fun.

N.P.: “Ace of Spades” – Motörhead

“…the predator and the prey spin around in a dance, until you lose sight of the action in a billow of dust, and the next day the bones have a surface of flies.”  ~ Richard Preston

And that pretty much sums it up these days.

I’ve been exploring the concept of atavism, not just its basic definition, but as a biological concept (some trait thought to have been lost long ago suddenly reappearing in a member of a species), and as a social/societal concept describing a cultural tendency of reversion.  i see something that could accurately be described as atavistic happening in our culture in the near future.

But don’t listen to me.   I’ve probably just been spending too much time indoors lately.  Nothing can be done about that: the weather is far too dreadful to go outside voluntarily.

N.P.: “Bells & Circles” – Underworld, Iggy Pop

Another Tuesday.  Never could get the hang of Tuesdays.

Strange night for dreams last night.  Funny, but really rather strange.
The writing today was better than it has been the rest of the week.  Not great, but better.

N.P,: “Brighter Than the Sun” – Tiamet

This month has just been weird as hell.  My hippie friends will probably blame a retrograde Mercury.  But they will, of course, be wrong.  The planets hold no sway over me, hippies!  And kale is not a super-food…it’s just another plant that tastes like dog shit.  And you know what else is organic and natural?  Syphilis, cancer, and death.  Life is not a journey.  And not only does everything not happen for a reason, but very little happens for any reason outside of chaos and blind chance.

Sorry…I’m in a bit of a mood.

Anyway, everything’s on fire.  It’s starting to look like Mordor outside.  Stay safe, dear reader.

N.P.: “The Chain” – Taking Dawn

Last week seemed to be a bad one for me to deal with people.,  Nothing seemed to work out.  I seemed to spend a lot of time wondering why people were upset with me, and trying my best not to be upset at  them.  I didn’t succeed in either pursuit.  We’ll see how this week goes.

I think I need more naps.  Or even any naps would be good.

N.P.: “Helter Skelter” Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson

Just brutal heat today.  The whole city;s suffering from an awful case of swamp ass.

Did more reading than writing today.  I’m presently working my way through “The Hot Zone” by Richard Preston (terrifying) and “The Corrections” by Jonathan Franzen (brilliant).

Also, Richard Cheese is a genius.

N.P.: “Closer” – Richard Cheese

We live in strange times, dear reader….

I’ve been writing a bunch, but most of what I write is going toward the book project I’m currently working on.  But then even when I sit down to write something for you here, it ends up quickly developing into a larger thing and I hold onto it because it has morphed into something that belongs somewhere else…and lately that somewhere else is in the book.  Which is not the worst news in the world.  But it does mean that things on this site are a bit slow.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not constantly thinking of you.  I hope you are well.
More here soon.

“46 and 2” – Tool

N.P.: “Lawyers, Guns, and Money” – Warren Zevon