The morons at Woodstock™ simply refuse to stop dry-humping their hippy vision of The Future, or at least of August.  After the entire state of New York told them to Eat All The DIcks, they apparently found someone’s yard in Maryland to hold this stupid thing.  About 10 minutes after they announced the move, Jay Z dropped out, as did several other groups.  Then about 10 minutes after that, Woodstock™ released all previously signed acts from their previously signed contracts.  Then about 24 hours after that, Woodstock™ announced that (stop me if this sounds hauntingly familiar), “It’s a free concert from now on.”  Yep…the concert is now billed as a “benefit concert,” though whom exactly will be benefiting remains a complete mystery.  Evidently no one will be getting paid, so it’s unclear how that’s going to work.  Donations are being encouraged, which, we all know how that will turn out.

So they have a tentative venue in a nowhere state, and they’re now hoping that a bunch of people will show up to watch who knows which if any bands show up to play for free will donate enough money for the staff and organizers and maybe even the artists to get pain at least a couple bucks for their troubles.

Absolutely desperate.

N.P.: “The Order of Death” – Public Image Ltd.

I’ve been banging away at various keyboards all goddamn day, and at some point it needs to end.  My fingers don’t hurt, but they might be slightly numb.

Oh, to hell with it.  I’ve still got some words to get down.  Gonna get back to it.   Here…hold my whiskey while i write these two books.

N.P.: “Nemesis” – Shriekback

Started 3 or 4 ideas tonight…none of them yet fit enough to share here.  Maybe tomorrow, dearest reader…maybe tomorrow.

N.P.: “White Rabbit” – Collide

It’s too damn hot to write.  It’s really too damn hot to do anything.  It’s probably too hot to sleep, but I’m going to give it a shot.

N.P.: “Sleeping Bag” – ZZ Top

Gotta be brief tonight, dear reader…haven’t gotten much sleep the last two nights.  This wretched heat takes some of the blame for that.  Also way too much writing that needs to be done.  So I need a manager, an assistant, and at least 10 more hours in each day.  A mental health treatment team would be helpful as well.  And a masseuse.

N.P.: “The Shooting Star” – Gojira

You know who can fuck right off, dear reader?  Comedy Central.  These idiots posted a hilarious routine by Dina Hashem in which she told a joke about XXXtentacion’s dead ass on Twitter, and then some whiny hypersensitive 10-ply subgeniuses from the outrage crowd bitched, and Comedy Central SCRUBBED THE VIDEO.  And now, this poor girl is getting death threats.  Honest to gods, the culture in the country has almost gotten stupid enough to be dangerous.

Dina, you’re hilarious.  I’m sure this experience will just embolden you…I hope that’s what happens.  If you have any material that you want to publish someplace that has your back, send it to me.  I don’t take down shit, I apologize for nothing, and I view death threats as an amusing barometer of my efficacy.

Jesus…comedy shops have been cancelling guests for a while now do to similar bullshitty reasons, and now Comedy Central.  I’m tempted to start a gofundme for Fuck Your Feelings Comedy Stores across American, and maybe a cable network…something like, “the Go Fuck Yourself If You Can’t Take a Joke Channel.”   Because there’s going to be a market if this nonsense keeps up.  People have senses of humor and need to laugh, and I’m hoping that sooner rather than later, people are going to get pissed off about not having anything funny to watch anymore because some idiot with feelings said something, and tell the the idiot and his companions where they can stick their feelings.

N.P.: “Fuck This Shit I’m Out” – The Theme Song

Geena Davis has just finished production on a feminist retelling of that most misogynistic novel and movie, “Lord of the Flies.”  With its all male cast.  This one’s called “Fly Girls,” and it was written by women (or biological men who identify was women, cuz, same-same), for women (or, again, biological men who identify was women, cuz, again and still, same-same), and produced with an all female cast, natch.  Snatch.  Her initial idea of simply changing all the male names to female ones was shot down when the estate of the original screenwriter said via counsel that “if she changes a single fucking comma in that screenplay, I swear to Christ my client and I will litigate viciously.  I almost hope she does…that would be so much fun.”

So without further ado, here is Geena Davis’ Fly Girls.  (Or maybe this is Das Booties, her feminist retelling of the fateful story of a misogynistic and rather phallic German submarine in World War 2.  Could be either one.  It doesn’t matter.  Because does anything matter anymore?)

Enjoy.

N.P.: “Mannish Boy” – Muddy Waters