After an all-too-brief, was-it-ever-even-actually-here winter, and now that the Moronic Powers That Be have had their annual way with the fucking clocks, my time of year has ended. At least what was supposed to be the really good part. Temperatures have already been too warm, but they won’t get truly punishing until after Cinco de Mayo. But still, this winter didn’t even move my needle. Pthththt. Fuck this stupid desert. And for the record, I find eating dinner while the sun is out to be perverse. In the most unpleasant sense of the word. Jesus. There is still light in the sky. And it’s just going to get worse and worse until June 21. This planet is so tedious.
N.P.: “The Radiance of All That Shines” – PORN, Fragrance
After the revolution, on my first day in office as President, or Sexy and Benevolent Leader, or Illustrious Potentate, or whatever of the United States, I will outlaw the observance of Daylight Saving Time.
A recent poll of random adults at the bar waiting for a table at Red Lobster in northern California revealed that 90% of all Americans think daylight saving time is an outdated and pointless exercise in arbitrary adherence to tradition. The other 10% are idiotic twats.
I have never understood how so many allegedly intelligent, free-thinking people could be so-easily convinced to do something so fundamentally silly. For four decades now, I’ve been listening to people embarrass themselves trying to explain their adherence to this absurdity, patiently enduring their assaults on logic and reason as they slowly reveal that they themselves don’t really understand this nonsense either.
There seem to be three basic arguments these pedants of chronology employ. to wit:
Benjamin Goddamit Franklin, may God rest his sweet, patriotic soul, invented daylight saving time just like he invented electricity and he was obviously a genius and how dare you or any other non-genius fuck with Uncle Ben’s ideas. They didn’t put your ugly ass on the hundred dollar bill now, did they? Alright, look…you need to remember a couple of things. Absolutely, Ben Franklin was a genius. A great many of his inventions propelled America and mankind into the future that we enjoy today. However, Ben Franklin lived in a world without electric light and climate control. His nights were lit solely by candles and oil lamps, and even though his idea of shifting the clock around was pretty clearly meant as a joke, and he had likely been into his cups when he wrote this letter, it did make some bit of sense then to suggest that opening business an hour earlier during certain months of the year would reduce candle usage. American businesses haven’t relied on candlelight or oil lamps in more than a century. Even candle shops now use electric light and computers. The position of the sun no longer has anything to do with when we can and cannot work, play, cook, read, et cetera. If B.F. were alive today, I suspect he would want to pimp-slap all those who have mindlessly remained allegiant to daylight saving time. He invented his stove to more efficiently heat houses: he would certainly acknowledge that central heating and air is a vastly more safe and effective method of climate control, and would likely insist on having it in his house.
It will save energy and money. Poppycock. Patently untrue. In fact, the exact opposite holds true: hundreds of millions of dollars are lost every year due to employees arriving late for work, conference calls and meeting missed, and overall productivity lost. Doctors tell us that dicking around with the clock and one’s sleep schedule increases the chances of heart attack significantly, leading to hundreds of millions of more dollars lost in medical expenses. Sleep loss, the disruption of the Circadian rhythm, greater susceptibility to illness…all of things lead to lost productivity, lost money, and ultimately increased energy resources. And having citizens in the work force arrive home at the hottest part of the day ends up using significantly more energy than would be used otherwise. Just ask Arizona. They ignore DST (as does Hawaii) and they do just fine. In fact, neither of those states have nearly the same number of rolling blackouts during the summer as California does. We have them regularly throughout the summer, during DSL. There has never been a rolling blackout during Standard Time.
The farmers need daylight saving time to order to harvest their crops and get all their work done during the summer. I can’t even begin to understand this one. And I think that’s because this one falls in to the very strange category of many of the other lines of rationale I’ve heard to justify the menace of DST: people seem to actually think that DST adds an hour of time to the day. Like we ACTUALLY get an extra hour of daylight or the days are ACTUALLY an hour longer than they would be during Standard Time. To these poor souls I can say only that I will include you in my nightly prayers and hope that you aren’t a registered voter. Farmers go to work when the sun comes up, and they don’t spend the day watching the clock, waiting for 5 o’clock so they can knock off. Hell no. They quit work when it’s so dark they can’t see what they’re doing. They don’t give the slightest of damns if you insist it’s 5:00pm or midnight: just stay out of their way.
The practice of hourly timekeeping only began in the United States once train travel began: people needed to know when the hell they needed to be at the station to catch their train. Fair enough. And today’s world is governed by the clock. Fine. But let’s just settle on what time it is and then leave it that way.
N.P.: “Heirate Mich” – Rammstein
We don’t usually talk politics around here, usually because the topic tends to be tedious. So I may never have told you that I am a pretty hardcore libertarian. That said, there are tenets of libertarianism with which I do not agree. People who are in lockstep with every one of their political party’s talking points make me nervous. But I tend to tick more boxes with libertarianism than the other political parties, and I very much agree with their overarching philosophy of minimal government. I appreciate the government being their protecting the borders from foreign invaders, but I resent the shit out any governmental intrusion into my personal life. So great, I’m a libertarian. But in California, we are limited to voting only for our declared party’s candidates in primary elections. Which is problematic. Because by and large, anyone on the ticket as a libertarian is a fucking crazy person. I remember the first year I had to vote on the libertarian ticket, the front runner in the presidential election was someone who’s primary concern in the survival of the United States was the legalization of the domesticated ferret. And that dude ran repeatedly for several presidential election. On the 2020 ballot, there are roughly 183 candidates on the libertarian ticket, and I’m pretty sure they’re all nuts. One name that simply leaps from the mer de noms is Vermin Supreme, and yes…get ready for Vermin. According to Wikipedia, Vermin Love Supreme is “an American performance artist and activist who has run as a candidate in various local, state, and national elections in the United States [and presumably won none of them]. Supreme is known for wearing a boot as a hat and carrying a large toothbrush, and has said that if elected President of the United States, he will pass a law requiring people to brush their teeth. He has campaigned on a platform of zombie apocalypse awareness and time travel research, and promised a free pony for every American.” Yeah. So while I’m not going to be changing my political affiliation any time soon, I just want it noted that it is not easy to be a libertarian in primary season.
N.P.: “Razor Sharp” – Collide
If today was a movie, I probably would have walked out in the middle of the second act. Unfortunately, it was not a movie, so I was just kinda stuck there until the end.
N.P.: “Gratitude” – Oingo Boingo
I had high hopes for the writing today, dear reader…but then a bunch of life happened. Let us hope for tomorrow.
Today was just a blur. That kind of busy. Didn’t write shit. It hasn’t rained a drop in a month. Pththththththt. Got to drive really fast for a little bit. That was pretty cool.
N.P.: “Fanfare III” – The Holy
We go way back, dear reader, so I don’t have to tell you that I really don’t give a shit about most things. But I’ve only recently discovered the truly impressive power of telling people that you don’t give a shit about their cause. It’s magical. It was a couple of weeks ago, and I was coming out of some grocery store somewhere just pissed off. I don’t even remember why, exactly, but I was in a mood, which is more than enough to keep most normal people away. But not this one idiot, who was outside begging for money for some high school athletic program or some such. He launched into his tired spiel, and I waved him off without breaking stride: “I don’t give a shit.” The look on his face was priceless. More importantly, he instantly shut up. Which is, typically, the goal. It was so effective (and also oh so satisfying), I decided to deploy it automatically no matter who was asking for what. I’ve since told 3-4 people who have asked me for money or signatures on a petition that I don’t give a shit, whatever it was they were championing. Of course, I do actually care about some things in the world, and some of the causes I said I don’t give a shit about are actually good and noble causes. But the cause is not really what I’m commenting on. My comment is directed at the person who actually woke up that morning and decided that they would go out and stop strangers on the street in the middle of their already busy day (i.e., me) and hassle them for money or time for some nebulous third-party cause which is unlikely to be at all changed by my dollar or my signature. More darkly, though, is that I have, in the past, been polite to these people, as most people are. Even when declining to donate/sign, most people smile, and nicely say no. Some even apologize (for what I don’t know, but they do). And more often than not, the person begging for money or signatures will keep going with their nonsense, which nobody appreciates. A flippantly dismissive “I don’t give a shit,” shuts the whole game down right there and then. The best is when you’re walking with a group of people who may or may not know you particularly well, and you get approached as a group. The others in the group will absolutely not want to be seen a some cold, uncaring, heartless bastard, especially not in front of each other, so they’ll start to smile and stop and listen…and they will have absolutely no idea how to process your “I don’t give a shit,” as you walk on without them, leaving them there to have to play the nice game with some do-gooder who is allegedly collecting money for whatever cause. They might think you’re a horrible person. I’m sure they thing that of me. But guess what? Yep: I don’t give a shit about that either. Seriously…it’s a matter of time before you figure out that I’m a horrible person…I’m just doing you a favor by getting you to that conclusion sooner rather than later.
N.P.: “Freaks Me Out (Blue Stahli Remix) – Collide
As promised…whiskey, wings, and writing today. And all three went pretty well and yielded good results. The writing certainly would have gone better if it had been raining today. But no…no rain in Anhedonia at all during February. March isn’t looking very promising either. I kind of hate this wretched desert.
N.P.: “Jim Jones” – SKYND
Today was for a truly ludicrous number of errands. Tomorrow is for whiskey, wings, and writing.
