Category Archives: Lucubrations

March 2, 2025

Happy Sunday, dear reader.  Have you made it to church?  I have not.  It’s been quite some time, actually.  I’ve been thinking about going back lately, but I’ve had some policy issues with the Holy Catholic and Apostolic for a few decades now.  They’ve become spineless and toothless, and thus, pointless.  I’ve attempted to contact the nearest archbishop for a meeting concerning the Catholic Church sacking up and becoming relevant again, but no invitation has been extended.

But I digress.

Work on both books continues apace, whilst, of course, attempting to juggle a couple dozen other adult responsibilities and a chainsaw.  One of the books is becoming increasingly fun to work on, and the other, less so.  But work continues on both.

In badass literary history, on March 2, 1904, Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, entered the world in Springfield, Massachusetts.  Needless to say, The Doctor was a total game-changer—his wild imagination and playful rhymes in books like The Cat in the Hat and Green Eggs and Ham revolutionized children’s literature. He took a sledgehammer to the dull, moralistic tales of the time, injecting absurdity and anarchic fun. With over 600 million copies sold, his work’s got a rebellious streak that still inspires readers to think outside the box.

On March 2, 1930, D.H. Lawrence kicked the bucket in Vence, France. Another literary renegade—his works like Lady Chatterley’s Lover and Sons and Lovers torched the boundaries.  Facing censorship and outrage for his raw take on sex, class, and human desire, Lawrence kept writing what he damn well pleased. His ashes later traveled to Taos, New Mexico, a fittingly wild resting place for a man who lived and wrote with unapologetic grit.

N.P.: “Fade Away” – Lemmo

March 1, 2025

Listen up, dear readers, patriots, and anyone who’s ever cracked the spine on a book worth a damn: as of yesterday, English is finally the official language of the United States. Cue the fireworks, crack a beer, pour the whiskey, and let’s raise a middle finger to the woke vultures who’ve been pecking at the neglected carcass of our beloved language for too long. This isn’t just a win—it’s a goddamn triumph. One Language, One Flag, One Nation. And now, it’s time to protect this victory with something big, something bold: a Department of English Grammar and Usage. And, as you may have guessed, I’m the guy to run it.

For decades, English has been under siege. The DEI cult and their word-twisting acolytes have tried to warp it into a limp, apologetic shadow of itself—stripping away precision, clarity, and balls in favor of their anti-American fever dreams. They’ve turned pronouns into weapons, grammar into a suggestion, and meaning into mush. Enough. English isn’t just a language; it’s the backbone of this nation’s soul—Shakespeare’s fire, Twain’s grit, Hemingway’s steel. It’s time to stop the bleeding and start swinging back.

Enter the Department of English Grammar and Usage. Picture it: a federal fortress of syntax and style, tasked with setting ironclad norms for how we speak, write, and think. No more “they” for singulars unless it’s earned. No more “latinx” abominations. Just pure, unadulterated English—rules that stick, enforced by people who know the difference between a comma splice and a knockout punch. This isn’t about snobbery; it’s about unity. One tongue to bind us, from sea to shining sea.

So why me? Let’s cut the crap and lay out the receipts. I’ve got a Master’s Degree in English—earned, not handed out like participation trophies. Thirty-plus years tutoring every level from snot-nosed 2nd graders to PhD candidates, beating the rules of the language into their skulls until they could write a sentence that didn’t suck. Years teaching at the collegiate level, where I turned classrooms into battlegrounds for ideas, not safe spaces for whining. I’m an internationally published author—words of mine have crossed oceans, not just keyboards. And for the last two decades, I’ve been a pitbull for this language, snarling at every woke attempt to dilute it, every DEI edict to deform it. I’ve got the scars, the ink, and the fire to prove it.

To President Trump: You’ve made America great again—now let’s make its language unbreakable. To Elon Musk: You’re a man of vision—back this and watch it soar. To Speaker Johnson and the rest of the suits in DC: Get this on the floor and make it law. I’m ready to lead this charge, to build a department that’s half library, half war room—a beacon for every American who still believes words matter.

The woke crowd will scream. Let ‘em. They’ve had their turn, and they blew it—turning English into a punching bag for their identity obsession. Now it’s our move. We’re not just reclaiming a language; we’re reclaiming a culture. #OneLanguage,OneFlag,OneNation.

N.P.: “Body Burn” – Cubanate

February 10, 2025

Good morning, dear reader.  It’s presently 04:55 in Fecal Creek, which is where I’m sitting as I type this.  I woke up at 02:00…suddenly wide awake, eyes open…for no evident reason. This usually doesn’t happen.  Usually once I get to sleep, I stay that way until the alarm goes off or the sun comes up, whichever comes first.  It’s been that way for several years now.  The only exceptions have been when I’ve over-indulged in whiskey earlier the previous day…that causes weird things to happen with my blood sugar which causes me to suddenly be wide awake usually around 3 in that morning.  But I’ve been so busy with the book and other projects, I haven’t had the time to drink.  Not a drop in at least 2 weeks.  So that’s not it.

A couple of years ago I went through a period of extreme stress, and during that time, I was waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning.  That went on for weeks.  Until I figured out how to deal with it.

The sun won’t rise for another 2 hours, and since I have some “extra” time this morning, I thought I share my secret to dealing with insomnia: Don’t Fight It.  That’s it.  Embrace it as an opportunity.  If you wake up and know that you are not going to be able to get back to sleep, say Fuck It and get up.  Rather than staying in bed and either stressing yourself to go back to sleep for another few hours when it’s clear that’s not going to happen, or stressing about whatever stressful thing it was that woke you up in the first place, get up and get to work, whatever “work” means for you in that moment.  If you’re able to start your actual job a couple of hours early, do it.  Doubtful your boss will get upset with you for that.  I typically start writing.  You might work out.  I know a guy who started building these big-ass planter boxes in his backyard.  He had no idea what he was doing when he started…just did it…figured it out as he went along.  Watched YouTube videos.  Of course, dude lives out in the county, so there aren’t any neighbors around to bitch about hammering and sawing at dawn [author’s note: I am extremely jealous of his “county” life.  I live within city limits and am thus subject to the most ridiculous restrictions.  My next house will most definitely not be in any city limits.  I want to not have to see any neighbors, be able to wear a sidearm, and burn the trash in a huge oil barrel.  Anyway, I digress].  He’s been working on the planter project for a year now.  He built 5 huge planters and is now growing his own vegetables and potatoes. It’s pretty cool.

An hour left until the sun rises once again over Fecal Creek, but I’ve already been at it for two hours.  Of course, I’ll be dragging ass by lunch, and a lesser person my submit to a nap.  But not me.  I have access to caffeine, and cause is both just and righteous, and I am actually just able to will my way through it.  And then comes the best part: sleep tonight.  The sleep one gets the night after one gets three hours of sleep or less is glorious.

Alright…gotta get back to the book.

N.P.: “Love Will Tear Us Apart” – Apoptygma Berzerk, Emil Nikolaisen

January 21, 2025

Sorry, dear reader…we’re still celebrating over here.  Tried to stop, but then started reading some of the Executive Orders and Actions and had to start all over again.  Our long and stupid national nightmare is finally over.

N.P.: “Daddy’s Home” – Tom MacDonald, Roseanne Barr

January 18, 2025

Just a quick check-in, dear reader.  I can’t really tell you what I’ve been up to, but suffice it to say (as a great man once said): We live in fast, strange times and we work in fast, strange ways.  Things should settle down very soon…or maybe not: things are still moving pretty quickly.  The fact that it hasn’t rained in weeks and there’s not a drop in the forecast isn’t helping anything.  Anyway, we’ll talk soon.

N.P.: “Totentanz” – Oberer Totpunkt

January 7, 2025

The only thing more humiliating than having to preside over the certification of your own complete electoral shittiness is having to stand in front of a failed nation and deliver a “you can’t fire me because I quit” speech.  The only thing more humiliating than that would be to deliver that speech in French.  The global socio-political schadenfreude that has been occurring lately is almost guilt-inducing.  But not quite, so keep it coming.

N.P.: “Wouldst Thou Like to Live Deliciously?” – Mickey 9s, POPO COPS

January 3, 2025

January 3 marks the birthday of an absolute legend, a storyteller so iconic that he essentially built the blueprint for modern fantasy, John Ronald Reuel Tolkien.

Tolkien was truly on another level from most “ordinary” writers: he conjured entire universes, which included designing detailed languages, cultures, and histories…enough to rival the mythologies of ancient civilizations.

His masterpieces, The Hobbit (1937) and The Lord of the Rings trilogy (published between 1954 and 1955 – because yes, genius takes time), set the standard for epic fantasy.  The Hobbit was the first work of Tolkien’s that I read.  It was certainly the longest book I had read at that point, which made it the first book I ever “got lost in.”

Happy birthday, Professor!


I spent a bit of time driving in the rain at speed.  Music blaring at unholy levels, of course.  And it was great…simultaneously clearing the mind of nightmare sewage and focusing very sharply on the next big turn and that “here we go” feeling when you feel the tires start to slip on the wet pavement and you start wishing you’d entered the turn going maybe 5mph slower….
I was reminded of how long it had been since I had done this…just gone for a drive.  I used to do it all the time…70mph through Golden Gate Park in the middle of the night.  I think I should reinstate the practice: unscheduled, random tearings-of-ass through the rain-soaked city streets.

N.P.: “Machine!” – Frigid, Plastic Bertrand