On April 14, 1828, Noah Webster, that lexicographical colossus, that indefatigable codifier of a nascent nation’s tongue, unleashed upon the world his two-volume American Dictionary of the English Language—a staggering 70,000 words, priced at $20 a set, a veritable bargain for the sheer audacity of its ambition. Webster, with his fierce American nationalism, standardized the spelling—think “color” sans the superfluous u, “organize” with a zesty z—and rooted his definitions in the raw, evolving speech of the early U.S. When sales tanked, he slashed the price to $15, and lo, the Webster legacy was born, a nation’s voice defined, a middle finger to colonial cultural shackles. This was lexicography as rebellion, as patriotism, a man not just defining words but defining an identity, a people, a dream! Damn right.
But oh, how the mighty have fallen! Fast-forward to the last seven years, and poor Noah, that titan of linguistic purity, would be clawing his way out of his grave, screaming in abject horror at the woke, progressive, cultural-Marxist takeover of his beloved Merriam-Webster! The dictionary—his sacred legacy—has been hijacked by a cabal of language-bending ideological idiots, twisting definitions to align with the simpering, sanctimonious zeitgeist of social justice warriors and their dim-witted ilk! I can hear the woke now, howling and bitching, gnawing on my doorknob, trying to get in and whine. But look at the evidence, you sheep, the proof is in the pudding: “male” and “female” redefined to include “gender identity,” as in “having a gender identity that is the opposite of female” for male—since when did biology bow to feelings? “Boy” and “girl” now tethered to “gender identity” rather than, you know, reality—a boy as “a child whose gender identity is male,” a girl vice versa. This isn’t lexicography; this is madness, a semantic coup d’état!
And it gets worse! The term “homosexual” as a noun—gone, erased by Dictionary.com for its “clinical connotations,” replaced with the oh-so-chic “gay,” as if history itself can be scrubbed clean by the woke police! “Colorblind” now comes with a sanctimonious note that while it might mean freedom from racial prejudice, it could also—gasp!—suggest a failure to “acknowledge systemic racial inequities.” “Anti-vaxxer” expanded to include not just vaccine skeptics but those who dare oppose mandates—a nod to the COVID-19 culture wars, a slap in the face to individual liberty! And don’t get me started on “climate change” morphing into “climate crisis,” a term dripping with activist urgency, or “unique” being watered down to allow modifiers like “very”—a grammatical sacrilege that would make Webster weep!
This isn’t evolution, you fools, it’s capitulation! This isn’t a goddamn French dictionary…no reason for surrender here. Merriam-Webster claims they’re documenting “contemporary language use,” but what they’re really doing is kowtowing to the cultural left, bending the knee to every passing fad—be it gender fluidity, racial grievance, or environmental hysteria! Noah Webster didn’t just define words; he defined a nation’s voice, its spine, its grit. Now his legacy is a plaything for the perpetually aggrieved, a tool for ideological conformity. He’d be spinning in his grave, I tell you, spinning at 10,000 RPM, a lexicographical centrifuge of rage, watching his dictionary—his life’s work—turned into a manifesto for the woke apocalypse! We’re through the looking glass, dear reader, and the dictionary’s been leading the charge—stop the madness!
N.P.: “Enter My Mind” – Drain
