I am blaming the current sorry state of the writing on a very poor and ill-advised decision to “experiment” with the desk whiskey. The usual menu goes something like this: in times of destitution, it’s a bottle of Evan Williams Bourbon, cheap and dirty. I got into this shit in Seattle when the only way to get hard liquor was from state-run liquor stores that had very temperamental hours and didn’t even pretend to bother on Sundays. Coming the first commercial distillery in the US, this shit is what the cowboys drink. It’s American as fuck. The folks at Evan Williams describe their product as “smooth,” and that’s fine…that’s their job, but this is not smooth: it’s about as harsh as your ex when she finds out you gave her the herp from a ho.
Unfortunately, there has been much destitution in the last decade or so. Ha. Writing. I should have known when I was getting hammered with my editor in Manhattan and he said, ” So…when are you going to make an album and make some real money?”
Anyway, when things are north of destitute, the next step up is Jack Daniels. Fucking right. Uncle Jack. Also American as fuck. I don’t really have to say anything here: it’s Jack. Bonus, pro-tip, however: Jack Fire is significantly more smooth than Fireball.
When things are going well, when you are flush, or when you want to write The Greatest Thing Ever, the desk whiskey simply must be Chivas Regal. Scotch. From Scotland. This stuff could be from the moon, it would still be amazing. (By the way, the moon has really been pissing me off lately. I’ll get into that another time.) It’s a blended scotch, which also happens to be the case with this swill I “experimented” with. But I don’t think this crap was blended using 12-year-old scotch: this stuff was aged for about 10 minutes.
To properly reset the Desk Whiskey scales, the next bottle will be Chivas. For the sake of the writing. If I decide to do any more “experimenting” in the future, it would likely involve Four Roses Single Barrel. If that happens, you’ll be the first to know.
N.P.: “Would That Not Be Nice” – Divine Fits