You can take the Wuhan Virus and shove it right up your ass: it’s St. Patrick’s Day, goddammit, and we have drinking to do.  Take a break from worrying…you need it…and drink some whiskey.  To Ireland…to introversion!  Sláinte!

N.P.: “In the Name of the Father” – Bono, Gavin Friday

Whats going on, dear reader?  I hope you are well.
It warms my heart to watch extroverts have to really work at “social distancing.”  It’s cute the way they announce it as they’re doing it, like they feel it necessary to explain themselves for not hugging you or shaking your hand or otherwise wanting to touch you pointlessly.  You don’t need to explain that, extroverts…we get it.  What you really need to explain is why you’ve felt compelled to fucking hug us every time it’s been more than two hours since we last saw each other.  There’s simply no need for that.
#RiseOfTheIntroverts

N.P.: “I Just Had Sex” – The Lonely Island, Akon

How are ya holding up, dear reader?  Swimmingly, I hope.  There’s a little too much life happening at the moment to be able to concentrate enough of writing anything of literary consequence.
I went to the grocery store a little while ago, not to stupidly stock up on supplies, but to watch white girls in Uggs in a barely contained panic pretend to be Handling It.  Curious to note that there were many empty aisles, but the liquor section seems to be unaffected.  Clearly, panic induces an inability to make good decisions or maintain appropriate priorities.

N.P.: “The Order of Death” – Public Image Ltd.

Whaddup, attractive reader.  First things first…shout out to Dr. Hayden McCabe, all around genius and webmaster right here at jaysongallaway.com for always being available to rescue yrs. truly from the cybernetic bullshit I occasionally seem to get into.  Thank you, sir.

So how are you holding up?  Well, I hope.  I do wish The Herd would chill their fucking beans a bit.  Stupid people are easily frightened, and frightened people are dangerous people.  So that has lead us to a bunch of dangerously stupid people running around hoarding toilet paper and bottled water and other things that are essentially useless in the treatment of respiratory disease.  Of course, a great number of these people openly admit to believing that a virgin birth is actually a possibility, so perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised.  The Herd never fails to disappoint.

N.P.: “Born Dark” – Holy Wars

Well, I was wrong…we’re not going to have much time tonight either, most attractive reader. The Virus isn’t bothering me, but the Herd’s response is causing me some degree of inconvenience, which I resent. So while I do take it (the Virus) seriously, there is only so much one can do, and panicking will not help anything. Perhaps the best thing one can do at this point in this (or any other crisis where individuals are fairly helpless to change anything) is to drink whiskey and try to find the humor in the absurdity of the situation. Rather than join the Panicking Public in their hyperventilation and fear, I hope you’ll join me until this thing has run its course and we can giggle our way drunkenly through the pandemic. We can finally literally be The Cackling Bastards of the Apocalypse. And as the extroverts who have promulgated this stupid disease empty the streets and retreat to cower in their suburban hovels and try to figure out what the hell to do without professional sports, we’ll have the run of the place. These are potentially good times for us, dear reader. Fear not.

N.P.: “Rats” – Ghost

I wrote all day, dear reader, and even had something for you here, tonight, but it wasn’t quite finished, and when I was going to finish it, I got called away to deal with some other, more pressing things. Which is fine. But it also means I’m just checking in with you tonight. Hope you’re doing well. Meet me back here tomorrow and hopefully we’ll have a little more time together then.

N.P.: “Blue Monday” – Orgy

Extroverts have been pissing me off, lately. Rather than go off on some rant about the individual egregious social transgressions I’ve been subjected to recently, allow me to just point out that if the world was populated by introverts, coronavirus (and virtually all other communicable diseases) would never get much beyond wherever they originated. The governments of the world are ordering/recommending “social distancing,” which we introverts invented. Which would make it an “introvention.” Get it? Never mind. Okay. Stay away from each other, ferchrissake. All extroverts are swimming with disease.

N.P.: “Huggin & Kissin – This Be The Verse Remix” – Big Black Delta

So there’s the decent-money project that’s taking most of my time these days, dear reader, but I’m still trying to make time for the books. Kinda have to for my mental health…otherwise I’m going to start feeling uncomfortably like a hamster on a wheel. And that’s usually when things start to dangerously sideways.

N.P.: “Fuck Everything” – Euringer, Chantal Claret

After an all-too-brief, was-it-ever-even-actually-here winter, and now that the Moronic Powers That Be have had their annual way with the fucking clocks, my time of year has ended. At least what was supposed to be the really good part. Temperatures have already been too warm, but they won’t get truly punishing until after Cinco de Mayo. But still, this winter didn’t even move my needle. Pthththt. Fuck this stupid desert. And for the record, I find eating dinner while the sun is out to be perverse. In the most unpleasant sense of the word.
Jesus. There is still light in the sky. And it’s just going to get worse and worse until June 21. This planet is so tedious.

N.P.: “The Radiance of All That Shines” – PORN, Fragrance

After the revolution, on my first day in office as President, or Sexy and Benevolent Leader, or Illustrious Potentate, or whatever of the United States, I will outlaw the observance of Daylight Saving Time.   A recent poll of random adults at the bar waiting for a table at Red Lobster in northern California revealed that 90% of all Americans think daylight saving time is an outdated and pointless exercise in arbitrary adherence to tradition.  The other 10% are idiotic twats. I have never understood how so many allegedly intelligent, free-thinking people could be so-easily convinced to do something so fundamentally silly.  For four decades now, I’ve been listening to people embarrass themselves trying to explain their adherence to this absurdity, patiently enduring their assaults on logic and reason as they slowly reveal that they themselves don’t really understand this nonsense either.   There seem to be three basic arguments these pedants of chronology employ.  to wit:  

1. Benjamin Goddamit Franklin, may God rest his sweet, patriotic soul, invented daylight saving time just like he invented electricity and he was obviously a genius and how dare you or any other non-genius fuck with Uncle Ben’s ideas.   They didn’t put your ugly ass on the hundred dollar bill now, did they?  Alright, look…you need to remember a couple of things.  Absolutely, Ben Franklin was a genius.  A great many of his inventions propelled America and mankind into the future that we enjoy today.  However, Ben Franklin lived in a world without electric light and climate control.  His nights were lit solely by candles and oil lamps, and even though his idea of shifting the clock around was pretty clearly meant as a joke, and he had likely been into his cups when he wrote this letter, it did make some bit of sense then to suggest that opening business an hour earlier during certain months of the year would reduce candle usage. American businesses haven’t relied on candlelight or oil lamps in more than a century.  Even candle shops now use electric light and computers.  The position of the sun no longer has anything to do with when we can and cannot work, play, cook, read, et cetera.   If B.F. were alive today, I suspect he would want to pimp-slap all those who have mindlessly remained allegiant to daylight saving time.  He invented his stove to more efficiently heat houses: he would certainly acknowledge that central heating and air is a vastly more safe and effective method of climate control, and would likely insist on having it in his house.
2. It will save energy and money.  Poppycock.  Patently untrue.  In fact, the exact opposite holds true: hundreds of millions of dollars are lost every year due to employees arriving late for work, conference calls and meeting missed, and overall productivity lost.  Doctors tell us that dicking around with the clock and one’s sleep schedule increases the chances of heart attack significantly, leading to hundreds of millions of more dollars lost in medical expenses.  Sleep loss, the disruption of the Circadian rhythm, greater susceptibility to illness…all of things lead to lost productivity, lost money, and ultimately increased energy resources. And having citizens in the work force arrive home at the hottest part of the day ends up using significantly more energy than would be used otherwise.  Just ask Arizona.  They ignore DST (as does Hawaii) and they do just fine.  In fact, neither of those states have nearly the same number of rolling blackouts during the summer as California does.  We have them regularly throughout the summer, during DSL.  There has never been a rolling blackout during Standard Time.
3. The farmers need daylight saving time to order to harvest their crops and get all their work done during the summer.  I can’t even begin to understand this one.  And I think that’s because this one falls in to the very strange category of many of the other lines of rationale I’ve heard to justify the menace of DST: people seem to actually think that DST adds an hour of time to the day.  Like we ACTUALLY get an extra hour of daylight or the days are ACTUALLY an hour longer than they would be during Standard Time.  To these poor souls I can say only that I will include you in my nightly prayers and hope that you aren’t a registered voter.  Farmers go to work when the sun comes up, and they don’t spend the day watching the clock, waiting for 5 o’clock so they can knock off.  Hell no.  They quit work when it’s so dark they can’t see what they’re doing.  They don’t give the slightest of damns if you insist it’s 5:00pm or midnight: just stay out of their way.

The practice of hourly timekeeping only began in the United States once train travel began: people needed to know when the hell they needed to be at the station to catch their train.  Fair enough.  And today’s world is governed by the clock.  Fine.  But let’s just settle on what time it is and then leave it that way.    

N.P.: “Heirate Mich” – Rammstein