Partial Transcript of Emergency Strategy Meeting, Tuesday, 17 June 2025, In The Law Office of Finger & Diddle, Fecal Creek, CA.  Participants: Jayson Gallaway, Author and Presumptive Gubernatorial Candidate, Boochie Collins, Drug Dealer and Political Analyst/Advisor, James “Jimmy” Finger, Attorney At Law, and Shazam, Paralegal of Rather Dubious Visa Status.

Jayson: …the hell it ain’t a step down, Finger…this is a trailer!  You live here?  What happened to the loft?
Finger: Fuckin’ divorce.
Jayson: Ouch.  Weren’t you a divorce attorney?
Finger: Best in town.
Jayson: Did you represent yourself?
Finger:  What, in the divorce?  Hell no.  Diddle did it.
Jayson:  Diddle didn’t do a very good job, did he, if you lost the loft.
Finger: Lost the ‘Vette, too.
Jayson: Son of a bitch.
Finger: Indeed.  But never mind all that.  You want to run for mayor?
Jayson: Nope.  I wanna run for governor.
Finger: Governor of what?
Jayson: California, dumbass.
Finger:  Well, you can never be too sure with you.  Cool.  California.  Governor.  Love it.  Let’s do it.
Jayson:  Great.  I went over qualifications last night with Boochie…ah…Boochie Collins, meet Jimmy Finger.  Finger…Boochie.
Finger:  Nice fronts, Boochie.
Boochie: Nice trailer, douchebag.  What’s that smell?
Finger: What smell?
Jayson: Yeah…that is pretty loud, isn’t it?
Finger:  What smell?
Boochie: Smells like a bouncer in a Persian nightclub.
Finger:  Ah…that’s Shazam.
Jayson: ..the fuck is Shazam, your new cologne?  It’s rancid.
Finger: Shazam’s my paralegal.  Shazam!  Come say hello to our new clients!
Shazam: ….
Jayson: You’re making shit up.
Finger:  Goddammit…Shazam!
Shazam [coming in from other room, taking earbuds out of his ears]: Sorry, boss…had my earbuds in.
Finger: Shazam this is Jayson Gallaway, the next governor of California, and his, what, sidekick?  Gucci.
Boochie: Boochie.
Shazam: Salam.
Jayson: What it is.
Finger: Okay, let’s get down to business.
Jayson: Let’s.
Finger: Okay…hold on.
Jayson: …
Boochie: …
Finger: …just give me a minute.  Google’s been slow all day.  Shazam, can you please reboot the router!
Shazam: …
Finger: Ah!  Here we go.  Okay.  First thing you’re gonna wanna do is, it says, is, “to officially become a candidate, you must complete the following steps with the California Secretary of State and county elections offices…”
Jayson: Give it to me.
Finger: Jesus.
Jayson: What’s up?
Finger: This is a lot of steps.   This is going to be…yeah.  Okay.  Today we need to submit a Statement of Intention with the Secretary of State.
Jayson: So far, so good.  Boochie, write up a Statement of Intention.
Boochie:  What…right here?  Now?
Jayson:   Why not.  Here, use this.
Boochie: A cocktail napkin?
Jayson:  Yeah, it’ll be fine.  Keep it simple: Dear Secretary of State…shit…who’s the Secretary of State?
Finger: No idea.
Boochie:  Who cares.
Shazam: What’s the question?
Finger: Who’s the Secretary of State?
Shazam:  How the fuck would I know?
Finger: Dammit…you asked.  Never mind.  I Google it.
Jayson: Am I just paying you to do Google searches?  I could have done that.
Finger: Thus far, you haven’t paid me shit, and no, you could not have done that.  You could have, you would have, but evidently you didn’t, so shut up and let me type.
Jayson:  Ass.
Finger:  …
Finger: Fucking internet!  Shazam!  Reboot!
Jayson: Fuck it.  Just put “Dear Secretary of State.”  They know who they are.  Then, “I, Jayson Gallaway, hereby state my intention to run for Governor of this massive pile of shit by the Pacific.”
Finger:  No.  Don’t do that.  And don’t write it on a goddamn cocktail napkin.  I’ll write the thing.  Come back tomorrow and will get ‘er signed and sealed.
Boochie: Dude…this just feels right.  You’re going to win this thing.
Jayson:  That’s the spirit, Booch.  Damn right.  We are going to Kick Ass!  Finger, be ready…we’ll be back tomorrow.

N.P.: “Magic Carpet Ride (Steir’s Mix)” – Steppenwolf