Category Archives: Lucubrations

Well Jesus, dear reader, as if there wasn’t enough for us to worry about…now there are reports that murder hornets from Asia have arrived on our shores.  According to the Times, this wretched pestilence must be stopped in the next few months or else it is here to stay.
Apparently these goddamn things get up to 2 inches long and as of this week were found for the first time in the United States, specifically in the state of Washington.
Fun fact: in Japan the hornets kill up to 50 people a year according to the New York Times.  Yeah. And that’s not all: murder hornets can wipe out entire bee colonies within hours their stingers are long enough to penetrate puncture be keeping suits also according to the times.
The Times went on to say that the hornet has a distinctive look with eyes that are “teardrop shaped like Spiderman, with orange and black stripes that extend down its body like a tiger.”
Murder hornets, dear reader! Murder hornets! Jesus! What are we going to expect to deal with next?
These evil things have shown up in Bellingham, Washington. I’ve spent time in Bellingham, Washington: it’s an amazing place, with amazing people. Why should they have to deal with the murder hornets? Who dumped murder hornets in Bellingham?  This is outrageous.
N.P.: “Ain’t No Way” – Robin Loxley, Jay Hawke

All commercials have become the same  (even more the same than they might have been before): open with dramatically slow but vaguely hopeful piano music, then a voice over: “in these _______ [trying, uncertain, difficult, unprecedented, et cetera] times, it’s important to remember _______ [“the most important thing…is family,” “we need each other…” “everybody is worried, everybody is scared,” et cetera]. 
Which is fine.  Whatever.  But what really bugs me is the inevitable conclusion of these ads. I do wish corporate entities would stop telling me that we are “in this together“. Look, you were in this, and I am in this, but that does not mean that we are in this together. Save it.  Anybody continually insisting that “we’re in this together” is likely someone getting ready to ask for toilet paper.  

N.P.: “The Still” – Esoterica

It is truly impressive to see how many of my fellow Americans have become both medical experts as well as constitutional scholars in just a few short weeks.  I feel like such an underachiever.  I’ve just been wasting my time sitting here writing amazing books.
Anyway, the writing is going well.  The word count is up.  As is the whiskey consumption.  Coincidence?  I think so.

N.P.: “Mama, I’m Coming Home” – Ozzy Osbourne

I’m finally starting to use dictation with much more regularity than I have been.  Doing so gives me roughly 3 times the number of words I get typing or handwriting.  And other than minor editing due to mistakes caused by shortcomings with the software, I don’t have to change much, and I use the vast majority of it.  There are a couple of things I need to perfect, and a few kinks I need to work out, but I’m going to be using dictation a lot more.
Also, it’s hotter than hell.  It is April.  We are not amused.

N.P.: “Aurora surrealis” – Tid

Jayson Gallaway

April 27, 2020

There is cause for celebration, dear reader: the state of California has canceled its insipid State Fair. I cannot begin to describe the happiness this announcement brings me. I would drink deeply in honor of this development had I not run out of desk whiskey Saturday afternoon.  Now they simply need to ban the sale of fireworks and cancel Fourth of July celebrations and this will be one of the the best summers evar.

N.P.: “Pacific Coast Highway in the Movies” – AWOLNATION, Weezer

Ludicrously lazy day, dear reader.  I’m embarrassed to even tell you about it.  Might have gone too hard on the Whiskey whilst I was making the wings.  Alas.  Occupational hazard.  Didn’t write shit.  But there’s still hope for today: I’m not particularly tired.  I am also out of whiskey.

N.P.: “# W W C” – The Main Squeeze

As the nights are getting shorter, I’m starting to value the darkness more.  [And I ain’t even tryin’ to be goth, yo.]
Anyway.
Weird day.  The heat is pissing me off.  Got a couple of ideas for writing, but I just opened files for them to be worked on at a later date.  Maybe tomorrow, after Whiskey & Wings.

N.P.: “Don’t It Make Ya Feel” – Headpins

I’m disgusted by what I see in the forecast: not a drop of rain and temperatures that start with 9.  I just murdered a big-ass spider in my foyer.  Why was there a big-ass spider in my foyer?  Funny, dear reader, I asked myself that exact question about a half a second before I dispatched the creature back to the hell from whence it came.  I guess will never know.
I wish I was in Norway.  There aren’t any spiders in Norway.

N.P.: “Everything” – Sunset Neon

Jayson Gallaway

April 22, 2020

Each time you light your lighter, your lighter gets lighter until your lighter is too light to light.

During this time of regular daily televised updates by various municipal, state, and national officials, I have developed an entirely new appreciation for the comedic theater art that is sign language interpretation.  I’ve become so fixated with the almost kabuki-like expressions employed by these good folks during these pressers…it’s amazing and oftentimes hilarious.  I’m sure there is a very legitimate reason for them doing this, and am admittedly totally ignorant about the whole sign language deal other than I think it’s great that our deaf brethren can be informed by watching TV, but I have become so fixated on the various interpreters that I don’t really hear any of the message being conveyed.  I’m trying to think of a way to make a drink game around their faces, but I can’t come up with anything that wouldn’t get everyone completely shithoused inside of five minutes.  Then again, some people might say that is the definition of a good drinking game.  Especially now, when everybody’s either out of work or working from home, day drinking is not only totally acceptable but really de rigueur.

I heard some pathetic moans about Earth Day today.  All of the stupid rallies were gloriously cancelled due to the high likeliness that all hippies are currently simply swimming with disease.  They really are.  That aside, however, I’ve never understood Earth Day.  You don’t really mean it.  You can’t.  In order for it to be legitimate, you need to not only have other options, but to have thoroughly explored those options.  But this is in all probability the only planet you’ve ever actually lived on.  How do you know it’s all that great?  Saturn is fucking lovely this time of year…spend some time up there and you might think boring old Earth ain’t really all that.  But also you probably don’t have a choice.  I mean, it’s not like if you get pissed off at the earth that you can leave it and call the lawyers.  You’re stuck here.  So celebrating Earth Day is rather like giving the spouse you are in a loveless arranged marriage with anniversary flowers if that spouse was in a coma and had no idea what you were doing (I really hope the hippies don’t think the earth actually knows that’s it’s Earth Day or that it’s being celebrated).  Anyway, that’s why I think Earth Day is stupid.  Earth itself isn’t much better.  It actually kind of stinks.  It’s not nearly as rank as Uranus, but, of course, nothing is.

N.P.: “Never Dance Again” – Sunset Neon, Blue Stahli

Spent the day in the studio.  Been spending most days that way lately.  Which is great…I just don’t know when I’m gonna be able to work on the base for this year’s tan.  I hope you’re continuing to do well, dear reader.

N.P.: “Kiss” – Sunset Neon