Dear Reader,
It’s been too long, and for that I’m sorry. For what it’s worth (and it ain’t worth much), I’ve been busy doing Very Important Things.
I spent the last few weeks grading standardized tests. Tests in which fifth graders from around the country were asked to list three qualities writers possess that other people do not. The “correct” answers come from a reading the students are provided that lists some pretty banal attributes allegedly found in all writers, such as “writers daydream a lot,” (which is just silly… I’ve known scads of daydreamers who not only couldn’t write but had trouble even reading) and “writers see the world not as it is, but as it could be.” I actually like that second one rather a lot, and would go further to say, “as it should be.” But whatev…they didn’t ask me.
Anywho, here are some other answers I saw, which, though in many cases I thought showed brilliance, even flashes of genius, in all cases I had to award no points:
• Writers are all rich and famous and crazy.
• Writers can write 13 books every day if they feel like it.
• Writers are not human because they never talk.
• Writers are different from other people because they stay alone.
• Writers aren’t human because they don’t live in this world.
• First they write a secret way, then they write it normal.
• They have big, big, big imaginations. Really big. Big big big.
• I like pie and dogs.
• Writers stay inside all day and only come out in the dark.
And the absolute hands-down winner, which would make a brilliant title for some writer’s autobiography:
• People eat, writers drink.