Hats off to Mr. David Ostrum of Paola, Kansas, who, after being dragged through the corrupt family court system, petitioned the judge to grant him a trial by combat. Fuckin’ right. He wants to figure out custody and visitation, as well as who the hell is going to pay the property tax by swordfighting his ex-wife and her attorney. He requested the court grant 12 weeks for him to procure katana and wakizashi swords, and let his wife and her attorney do whatever it was they’re gonna do between now and the day Mr. Ostrum runs them both through. This fucking warms my heart.
“To this day, trial by combat has never been explicitly banned or restricted as a right in these United States,” said Mr. Ostrum, going on to say that trial by combat had been used “as recently as 1818 in British Court.”
It’s not going to happen, but holy shit I wish it would. Can you imagine?
“Baby, you know I love you, but I want a divorce, half your shit, and I’m taking the kids.”
“Pistols at dawn, bitch.”
What a wonderful world it would be.

N.P.: “No One Ever Walked On Water” – Gone is Gone