Holy shit, dear reader…today was The Busiest Day Ever.  I wrote a little, but that was on the phone whilst travelling, so it’s going to need some editing.  Anyway, I hope you’re well.

N.P.: “Hung” – Wire

Wings, whiskey, and writing.  Not a bad way to spend a Sunday.

N.P.: “Vaterland” – Maerzfeld

Fortunately the shitty governor of this shitty state doesn’t have news conferences on Saturdays.  My liver appreciates the break.  We’ve fallen into the rather dark habit around here of playing a simply vicious drinking game called “The King’s Speech.”  The rules are dangerously simple:
1)  Anytime The Gov says cohort, incumbent, aggregated, or iteration, take a drink.
2)  Anytime the weird sign language interpreter/mime/Greek Chorus person on screen with The Gov objectively appears to be fellating some sort of large yet unseen beast, that is Death, and you have 3 minutes to finish the entire bottle.  Death happened twice this week.  Had today not been the weekend, I suspect an intervention would have been staged around here.   Kinda dreading Monday.

N.P.: “Covenant” – Lazerpunk

You know what pisses me off, dear reader?  These pieces written by idiots that are entitled things like, “15 Things You Didn’t Know About _______.”  With “_______” here being something that I am at all interested in.  Inevitably, I know all 15 things, and I am not “special,” here…anybody who is at all “into” whatever is being discussed knows these 15 things plus a lot more.  And more often than not, I find numerous errors in their “reporting.”  Lately, I’ve done a little digging into the cretins writing this nonsense, and inevitably, they are in their early 20s and apparently still under the impression that culture and history started the day they were born, and now when they “discover” something that was around before they were born, they weirdly assume that nobody else has ever even heard of whatever they just “discovered” and feel that they are now, somehow, “experts” on the matter.  If they were to use accurate titles, these would all be called, “15 Things My Ignorant Ass Found Out When I Googled This Movie/Book/Band/Whatever Because I Couldn’t Figure It Out From Just Watching/Reading/Listening to It.”  Or something similar.  Like so many things, I get the impression that this shit doesn’t bother anybody else the way it does me.  But I don’t really care.  Because it needs to be said: “Goddammit, child…I was an expert at this before you were an itch in your daddy’s pants.”
Now get off my fuckin’ lawn.

N.P.: “Shambala” – Beastie Boys

When people react to some trivial event by suddenly standing up and shouting, “That’s what I’m talking about,” I tend to want to punch them in the mouth.  Then I could say, “Well that’s what I’m talking about,” which would be kind of funny.  But I wouldn’t want to sink to their rhetorical level.

N.P.: “Say Mas” – Processor

I’ve been getting a lot of words down, dear reader.  The writing’s going well.
Thought I was going to get a chance to try out the new switchblade today, but it turned out to be a false alarm.  Alas.
I think the next four days are going to be good…atmospheric ridiculousness aside.

N.P.: “Rocket Scientist (feat. Eve)” – Teddybears

Today was absolutely ludicrous, dear reader.  Had an assignment dropped on me mid-morning and had to do 2 weeks of work in 4 hours.  Which, of course, I did.  But I think I’m spent for the day.  I’ll rest my eyes a bit and write tonight.

N.P.: “Cavalry in Thousands” – Tengger Cavalry

Screaming passengers continue to be a problem.  It’s been a recurring issue for the last 5 years whenever I’ve had passengers while I’m driving, which is, thankfully, rare.
I understand that riding with me can be an…intense experience.  But only for those who lack faith in my superior driving skills.  I am a professional, you know.  I’m also a bit of a fatalist when it comes to other people, so though I have no idea of the myriad choices you have been making your entire life, those choices have somehow led you to be sitting in my passenger’s seat while I’m going ridiculous speeds.
The screaming is a problem because I tend to be several steps ahead of any passengers, so when I’m looking over my left shoulder quickly to see if the lane is clear, it’s probably to avoid the thing that my passenger is only now about to notice.  But when she screams, it interferes with some pretty complicated math and physics that’s going on in real time at about 90 mph, when is not a good time to interfere with things.  Luckily for all parties concerned, I long ago learned to ignore the screams of passengers (keeping the stereo at inordinate volumes helps).  I forgive them, for they know not what they do.  I don’t even lecture or yell until we safely get to where we’re going, and then I gently point out that we have arrived safely and without actual incident and was all that screaming and bullshit back there really necessary.  Which is a perfectly reasonable question, I think.

N.P.: “Homeless in Heathrow” – Fartbarf

PRESS RELEASE
jaysongallaway.com
Anhedonia, CA 95666

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: 07/12/2020

Obscure Irish-American Essayist’s Entire Weekend Ruined
At first thought to be just one day, but both days were ruined

Anhedonia, CA: Today, after an after-action review conducted by management at jaysongallaway.com, it was determined that two of writer Jayson Gallaway’s days, those being 7/11/20 and 7/12/20 respectively, were ruined due to negligence and dim-witted simplicity on the parts of others.  Details of the precise causes of the day ruination are not being made available by jaysongallaway.com, but one of the management members of the review team described the causes as “deeply personal.”
The author recently made headlines when he was charged in Mexican Federal Court with general villainy, mayhem, piracy, and the importation of dangerous animals for nefarious purposes.
Of the ruined days, Jayson had this to say in a brief interview: “I’m really in a state of disbelief about all of this.  I was really on a roll…it had been almost 50 days since that last time my day was ruined.  I didn’t see this coming at all.  Yesterday was bad…there was incompetence, and I had to yell at people.  That made me grouchy, and ultimately, my day was ruined.  Then, today, being brutally awakened by the fucking neighbor’s gardening service and their stupid blowers.  Fortunately, I had the insight to know to start drinking yesterday as soon as I’d figured out the day had been ruined.  So when today was ruined before I was even awake, I already had a jump on things, so it was easy to get drunk again without having to actually get out of bed.”
Both offending parties we issued violation tickets fining them $50 [these were cocktail napkins across which someone had written in crude Sharpie™, “U O Me $50 4 ruining my DAY!”].  Additionally, the neighbor’s gardening service was apparently pelted and barraged with last night’s empty whiskey bottles until they were forced to cease gardening and flee.
About jaysongallaway.com: jaysongallaway.com is allegedly some kind of literary website.  No one really knows what the hell goes on there.  The website has no official sponsors and has never even been considered for an award.

N.P.: “Criss Cross” – The Rolling Stones